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Don't Breathe
Breathing is harder.
Heart rate fast.
Brain wave broader.
Nerves won't last.
Though who am I.
Who am i suppose to be.
Was I easier to love
Was I easier to lose.
Everyday gets harder.
Voices never sleep.
Pulse is getting slower.
I've began to weep.
Though when these thoughts surround.
When the world is silent.
Am I the only one around.
Alone in the world so brilliant.
So when I'm long and gone.
In the ground asleep.
I don't dare give grief.
Because I don't breathe.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Rula
4 years 9 months ago
Hello Lost_Shell
a poetic name BTW.
Welcome to Neopoet. Hope you to find here the warm home to grow and improve with your poetry.
Direct to the piece..I thought this is a good piece to start with. However, there are some spots that need your attention regarding grammer.
I'm sure more of the expert poets will give you of more the feed back needed.
Welcome again.
Looking forward to reading more of your work.
chima ononogbu
4 years 9 months ago
Welcome Poet
A nice piece. Get the grammar to work for you. Welcome to Neopoet.