Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
May 11, 2011
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
THE DOOR OF MY NIGHTMARE! (inspired by Lou & Candlewitch)
THE DOOR OF MY NIGHTMARE!
Not a whisper can be heard
from my constricted throat
by the image
I behold with my eyes
Oh freedom, save me
from this creature
who's stepped out
of my horror filled nightmare's
Praying for escape
While held in the grip
of a living hell hound
born of fire and hate
Is there a God?
I hear no answer
from above
is my pleading, lost
I am a non believer
now caught in heated fear,
I seek
of him that does not exist
Drive please,
this nightmare back
through the opened door
Where dreams of fear are no more.
(as he awakens strapped to his bed in the Sanatorium)
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Thanks to Lou and Cat for their most frighting write, that inspired this write.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
lou
14 years 2 months ago
Eddie
I'm happy that our poem enspired you, and I know Cat will be when she reads this.
Another convert to the dark side Wha ha ha!!! LOL !! I'll come back later, I need to give my critique some thought first.
Love Lou
Eduardo Cruz
14 years 2 months ago
lou
thank you!
Eddie C.
Eduardo Cruz
14 years 2 months ago
Rosi
One big soup. Hahaha!
thank you,
I am just trying to convey the fear generated by Lou & Cats Poem.
Eddie C.
lou
14 years 2 months ago
I'm back lol
I love this dark atmospheric poem, it has just the right feeling of dread, but I think it would be better if you didn't say creature twice, I think that you could find another word and that would work better. Also it might be more effective if you said 'the throat is constricted,' in the first Stanza, just sounds better.
In the second stanza you could say something like' drives you away,' I think 'wisks,' is a little tame for such a dark poem.
In the third Stanza it be might better to say' nightmares,' rather than 'dreams,' as
that is more in keeping with the scarey theme.
Whatever you decide, I think this is a really enjoyable poem.
Lou
Eduardo Cruz
14 years 2 months ago
lou
your critique is dead on. Hahaha!
I made some changes not exactly yours , but in the vein of the poem.
thanks Lou
Eddie C.
lou
14 years 2 months ago
Eddie
Glad I could be of some help.
Lou
Eduardo Cruz
14 years 2 months ago
lou
I am happy to have gotten your help.
E. C.
Eduardo Cruz
14 years 2 months ago
Lonnie
You and I know the true dark monster that lives in our minds, which we have learned to keep locked in it's cell.
Few people know that to us rock and roll means to warroirs lock and load. They think it means to move.
Thanks my brothers
Eddie C.
Candlewitch
14 years 2 months ago
Dear Eddie,
Wow! Lou and I inspired this write? I am just thrilled to have made such an impact on you! You write dark poetry very well. Welcome to the dark side, wade right in, the water is fine!
always, Cat (& eddy)
Eduardo Cruz
14 years 2 months ago
Cat
I'll stay in the shallow end the "Splash Pool" hahaha!
Thanks bud!
Fast Eddie