Hooded Stranger

Dec 05, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Dragon

The sharp edges of the K tears apart my gum
My swelling tongue licks the concave of the U
Amongst the burning bile and saliva the O appears
The poisoned spikes of the Y numb my mouth
The F is jagged and rips a hole in my cheek
The smooth curve of the C tastes bitter sweet
I crunch and crack the U between my teeth

I take a deep breath holding the letters within
Trying hard not to swallow and choke
I place the letters into order of attack
Ready to release the words of dragon fire and smoke

I take one final breath and load the letters
Trying hard not to swallow and choke
I ignite the letters from my burning soul
Primed to release my words of dragon flame and smoke

I sneer as the C encircles my bleeding tongue
The O floats upon my saliva and acidic spit
The U violently stings my gum as it digs in deep
I bite down hard on the Y tensing my aching jaw
The K cuts me like tiny shards of broken glass
The U slips over my tongue making me gag
The points of the F split open my cracked lips

Deep breath
No swallow
No choke
Lock
And load
Take aim
And maim

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: West England, GBR

Favorite Poets: Sylvia Plath (poet), Caitlin Mattison/Eddy Styx (poet 'candlewitch'), Enda Collins (poet 'ziggy'), Martin Gore (lyricist for Depeche Mode), Neil Tennant (lyricist for Pet Shop Boys), Stefan Großmann (lyricist for Absurd Minds), Lemmy Kilmister (lyricist for Motörhead), Nathan Reiner (lyricist for Third Realm), Wayne Hussey (lyricist for The Mission), Leonard Cohen (lyricist), Tom Shear (lyricist for Assemblage 23), Clint Carney (lyricist for System Syn & Fake), Ronan Harris (lyricist for VNV Nation), Aaron Lewis (lyricist for Staind), Jason Charles Miller (lyricist for Godhead), Torben Wendt (lyricist for Diorama), Adrian Hates (lyricist for Diary Of Dreams)

Comments

Eduardo Cruz

13 years 11 months ago

very Interesting

What were your thoughts when you began this write. That's what I want to know. Did the letters come first or after the fact. it just seems to me that the first stanza came in later not in the start as seen here, Interesting?
this kind of blew my mind, on the first read. I think maybe that was your intention.

Eddie

Hooded Stranger

13 years 11 months ago

Eddie

Eddie,

you ask what were my thoughts? I have been toying with a lyric with the letters of the word(s) being inside my mouth before being expelled.

This was based around my issue of bottling things up and not always saying what i want to say. the idea here is my inner demon (dragon) had had enough and wanted to be released. I played around with different words and originally the last stanza was a different set of words.

I am keen to record this witha robotic voice spelling out the words in the correct order after the first and last stanza, and it seemed too complicated to have a new set of words in the last stanza.

However, I may still change that last stanza to spell out FCUK OFF...but that is a lot of 'F's"...Lol!

What isn't clear to the reader is who I am saying this to!...and I like that!

Thanks for dropping by and commenting my friend.

Kind regards,

scribbler

13 years 11 months ago

Hmmm....

Have you considered adding a line or two at the beginning to set the stage? something like:
Too many words don;t make escape
like letters, prisoners in my mouth
I know I had no idea what this was about until I read your reply above...................stan

Hooded Stranger

13 years 10 months ago

Stan

Stan,

in short reply to your question...no, I hadn't!

However, you have me thinking and it wouldn't ruin the structure or the music element I have in mind...so good call Mr Stan.

Many thanks,

wesley snow

13 years 10 months ago

Outstandingly original.

It took no effort on my part to read this as though a mighty knight was struggling with some horrid mysticism while trying to prevail. This is what I call "left field". wesley

Hooded Stranger

13 years 10 months ago

Wesley

Wesley,

thanks for your comment. I haven't ever read a poem or song lyric before where the letters of the words were in the mouth and then put in order and then expelled, so I guess, it may well be original...which puts a smile on my face.

Glad you enjoyed it and glad you dropped by,

kind regards,

lou

13 years 10 months ago

Dan

as you know I have already seen this one, but I just wanted to say it is very original and extremely descriptive, I could tell that you were trying to portray the difficulty in getting the words out, and that sensation made the reader feel the tension someone feels when they are unable to say what they want.

Great stuff

Lou

Hooded Stranger

13 years 10 months ago

Lou

Lou,

if truth be told, I remembered the idea of this lyric when talking with you a few weeks ago. Not that I wanted to say the words to you!! Lol! but I was thinking about how the issue we were discussing could be handled and I realised you needed to step up and yell what was burning inside of you. Then the idea of the words brewing inside became letters and then the lyric wrote itself.

The letters in the mouth idea I had had before but had forgotten about it until we chatted and it all came flooding back.

So thanks,

regards,

lou

13 years 10 months ago

Dan

Dan,

I'm glad i could help. i'ts funny how things can happen like that.

When it comes to inspiration, i think that i need my workshop lol!!

lou