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Apr 09, 2025
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Dread Day
All alone, laid low and lonely
by the ocean's lapping waves.
Fate forgot we've one and only
life to live before our graves.
Heart of mine, before, was beating
till the gods stepped into time.
Said, "you knew that life was fleeting,
that we all run out of Rhyme.”
Laid upon my sick bed sleeping,
breathing out my borrowed breath.
I must leave my loved ones weeping.
Day has dawned: dread day of death.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Penned after my recent heart attack
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI - version 2.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Dread Day" effectively conveys a sense of melancholy and contemplation on mortality. The imagery of being alone by the ocean, the fleeting nature of life, and the inevitability of death is poignant. The repetition of the theme of life's brevity through phrases like "life to live before our graves" and "breathing out my borrowed breath" adds to the poem's emotional impact.
One suggestion for improvement could be to further develop the metaphor of the ocean and waves to enhance the overall coherence of the poem. Exploring how the ocean symbolizes the vastness of time and the waves represent the passage of moments could deepen the thematic resonance. Additionally, considering varying the rhythm or meter in certain stanzas could create a more dynamic flow and engage the reader further.
Overall, "Dread Day" effectively captures the theme of mortality and the fleeting nature of life. With some further exploration of metaphor and rhythm, the poem could become even more evocative
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
3 months 1 week ago
Dread Day
A pound of reality. I'm sorry for your illness and hope you are recovering well. Impeccable poetry, giving much thought and wisdom.
Take good care,
L
Blue-eyed Bolla
3 months ago
dread day
Many thanks, L.