A Dream of Birds.

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem constructs a vivid, almost mythic landscape, evoking a sense of deep time and primal experience. The setting—a deep valley with towering cliffs—establishes a sense of enclosure and ancientness, reinforced by the simile “rearing up like history / of a forgotten world.” The phrase effectively links the physical environment to the passage of time and lost civilizations, setting a tone of awe and mystery.

The birds are introduced through their cries, described as “piercing and plaintive,” and the metaphor “weaving a sound / with the needles of beaks” is both original and evocative, suggesting both the physical sharpness of the birds and the intricate, almost tactile quality of their calls. The poem’s attention to sound here is notable, as it foregrounds the sensory experience of the scene.

The movement into prehistory—“They were from prehistory; / the first kind of bird / when wings were new”—broadens the poem’s temporal scope and deepens its sense of wonder. The simile “as new-minted coins” is somewhat conventional, but it does convey freshness and value. The subsequent lines, “migrating from lands / before maps were thought of,” reinforce the theme of primordial origins and the unknowability of the past.

The poem’s syntax is generally clear, though there are moments where line breaks could be reconsidered for greater impact or clarity. For instance, “weaving a sound / with the needles of beaks” could potentially be tightened for rhythm. The use of enjambment is effective in maintaining momentum, especially as the birds take flight “in slow succession / taking their time / in the gathering air.”

The poem’s closing images—“their wings beat like hearts,” “their cries undulating / like grassy valleys”—are strong, though the simile “like grassy valleys” is somewhat abstract and may benefit from further specificity or development. The phrase “fixed in their certainty— / the hoop of movement, / towards their green goal” provides a sense of purpose and cyclical motion, though “hoop of movement” is ambiguous and may be clarified or expanded for greater resonance.

Overall, the poem’s strengths lie in its atmospheric setting, its evocation of deep time, and its attention to sound and movement. Some similes and metaphors could be refined for originality and clarity, and lineation may be adjusted for greater rhythmic effect. The poem’s tone and imagery are consistent, and the sense of awe at the natural world is effectively communicated.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

Well scribed, some nice visual verse that paints a vivid dream of prehistoric birds. 

The double spacing of lines , is this space for the reader to reflect on each line ?

btw I also like the mythical birds that couldn't fly the dodos

Thanks for share

Hello, Anthony,

A mystical piece, great imagery and language. Both a spiritual experience and a fun read.  The final line speaks to me of a pure space, like Nirvana.

Thank you!

L