Dreamer

A dreamer

That’s all I’ll ever be

Give me a day

I’ll dream a Sea.

Consumed by fantasy

Within me is a place I’d rather be

Yet I live a life that isn’t me

Interested in nothing

Fearing nothing

There is no one I’d rather be

Family and friends think they understand me

I see life as a tree

A cycle of constant velocity

The norms of society, don’t apply to me

I desire to go about it differently.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: VIR

Favorite Poets: “Withdraw into yourself and look. And if you do not find yourself beautiful yet, act as does the creator of a statue that is to be made beautiful: he cuts away here, he smoothes there, he makes this line lighter, this other purer, until a lovely face has grown upon his work. So do you also: cut away all that is excessive, straighten all that is crooked, bring light to all that is overcast, labour to make all one glow of beauty and never cease chiselling your statue, until there shall shine out on you from it the godlike splendour of virtue, until you shall see the perfect goodness surely established in the stainless shrine... Never did eye see the sun unless it had first become sunlike, and never can the soul have vision of the First Beauty unless itself be beautiful.”, Plotinus, The Enneads

Comments

weirdelf

13 years 9 months ago

I like the poem and relate to it.

Ephraim was right, you should change 'doesn't' to 'don't'.

The lines-
I see life as a tree,
A cycle of constant velocity.
seem to me to lack internal logic. Trees and velocity? Only when they've been chopped down mate. I suspect you fell victim to rhyme.

But a good poem.

Jahleel Drigo

13 years 9 months ago

Thanks Guys

Glad you liked it. I will make the appropriate changes. Yeah Weirdelf, your right I fell victim to the rhyme there,lol. As you may have recognized, i'm new to the poetry thing. Its a hobby I picked up a couple years ago. A pity the old neopoet site crashed, lost a few of my work. However Xena, i think i'll take you up on that. The time i have is limited but we can work something out

Cheers,