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dreams of fog
the white colour hangs
above their roofs,
dreams of fog;
deeper down the earth is wet,
watery clouds shine in the puddles
and the morning birds are still asleep.
people, locked up on doors and thresholds,
wear their good attires and stand,
peering through the crevices.
they do not know that
neither the teddy-bear-man shall pass under their windows,
nor shall the children run on the iced roads,
nor shall the laughter of the elders’ echo on the glass;
but they do know that dreams of fogs,
which stand above their heads,
exist and will take them away.
so they accept that at least something is bound to happen.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Geezer
3 years 6 months ago
I am thinking...
that this must be a folktale of some sort in your culture. The idea that fog represents an evil or bad portent thing persists in many parts of the world. I would change the lines of "people locked up on doors and thresholds, wear their good attires and stand peering through the crevices".
people wearing good attire
stand behind locked doors and thresholds
peering through crevices
~ Geezer.
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arjiris.f.
3 years 6 months ago
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your time and your revisions! Happy new year to thee!!
Geezer
3 years 6 months ago
You are welcome...
I'm always ready to help. ~ Geezer.
.