Rula

Sep 29, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The dreams of youth

In streams and currents gently flow our dreams,
to leave the conscious nap and rest awhile.
Away they carry anguished inner screams,
from worried, busy walking streets that rile.

Most dreams don't often last and shortly thrive.
They almost fade, unably pass-unmaintained.
While wished to ever live in frames alive,
they'll be forgotten once they pass–non gained.

The younker's dreams though often come so true.
They bloom and brightly shine, no matter what
invades the heart and leaves it sometimes blue.
They're ardent, warm, and potent-of real guts.

Their dreams - persistent ones of love and truth,
The goods that oft indwell the heart of youth.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and , Poets are humanity when the world lose it.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

judyanne

12 years 9 months ago

yes rula

yes rula
I really like this
great iambic
the feminine line trips me a little, but it works for the effect of the text… making me pause there

one little thing
‘The younker's dreams though often come so true’ – ‘do you mean ‘younger’s’

and
‘invades the heart and leaves it sometimes blue’ – perhaps ‘invade’ without the ‘s’ for better grammar

and also, dependent on what you are saying here
‘The goods that oft indwell the heart of youth’
maybe
‘The good that oft indwells the heart of youth’

a fairly strong volta as well

love judy
xxx

Rula

12 years 9 months ago

Yeah

Thanks Judy..

Younker----> I didn't want to repeat the word youth so I checked

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/younker

Invades----> I think is grammatically correct as I wanted it as an enjambed line of the above.
Thanks a lot for giving the time and a great preview and comment..Much appreciated.
I like "the goods ...." to show they are many what do you think?

judyanne

12 years 9 months ago

i think you will find

that it needs to be 'invade' - you are referring to a pleurality of dreams.

also, since there is no such word as 'younker', can i suggest you use 'youngsters",..

and yes - that last line - i did say it depended what you were trying to portray here - good or goods...

love judy
xxx

Rula

12 years 9 months ago

It is like saying

no matter what invades the heart and leaves it blue, they bloom and brightly shine

so I think invades refers back to anything -singular might be or plural but then we use here the singular.(imo) or this is what I've always learned :)

judyanne

12 years 9 months ago

Grammar Rula

His (the youngster's) dreams invade
They (the dreams) invade
So whichever you are referring to ...
xxx

Rula

12 years 9 months ago

I know what you mean judy

but it refers to none of what you've mentioned but to "anything"

judyanne

12 years 9 months ago

Well

Sorry Rula
but it doesn't make sense -at least not to me
xxx

Rula

12 years 9 months ago

I don't mind

youngesters dear judy but "Younker" is actually there in 'Merriam Webster Online Dictionary' :)
Just thought I'd say it.

Thank you again

judyanne

12 years 9 months ago

lol

well there you go
and now i have looked it up myself, i have to admit that i had heard of it, and forgotten it
xxx

Ian.T

12 years 9 months ago

Rula

14 lines is this a type of poem??
Well written there Rula, I always look up the words poets use in their works.
How on earth did you come up with a street word such as younker.
It is in my slang dictionary but not the Oxford concise.
It is really interesting to know where you found it have you got a 15 Volume Thesaurus ??
Great write there though and it was intense probably as young people are, Yours Ian.T

Rula

12 years 9 months ago

A sonnet dear Ian

A Shakespearian sonnet dear Ian comes usually in 14 lines.
No volumes. I like to use Merriam Webster On line as I have mentioned above.
You don't need to check any other . Easy to use and gives you almost everything you
need for each entry.

Thanks for dropping a nice comment.