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Mar 21, 2018
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The Drivethru
I pulled up to the order box,
I ordered a whopper of world peace,
a side of love,
and a drink of compassion,
with lots of ketchup.
After I drove home
I found
they forgot the ketchup.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Geezer
7 years 4 months ago
Where is this place...
where you can order and get, a huge helping of world piece and a drink of compassion, with a side of love? I want to go there to get some food. Even as an ardent fan of ketchup, [I think that ketchup belongs on anything that isn't green, cereal or ice cream]; I wouldn't be too upset that they forgot the ketchup! Love the scenario , I wish it were real, it gives a person something to think about. ~ Geezer.
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Eumolpus
7 years 4 months ago
too short
I would take this great idea and keep going with it with different products, things bought online or other venues of pop culture.
That was my first gut reaction to the poem. ...Keep going. This is a really fun idea with fun irony..I think you could have a good time adding to it.