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Joan Rolls
Joan Rolls
Oct 26, 2015 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The Drummer

I hear the distant drummer now
He beckons me from far away.
Catching me alone somehow,
his rhythm calls me to the fray.

I dare not ask from whence he came
For in my heart I fear the truth.
So I continue to play the game
And console myself with wilting youth.

Oh drummer boy, why can’t you cease
those endless poundings in my brain?
For I’m not ready to share your peace
And I’ll decide when you come again.

Return to me when my spirit’s low
and love ceases to bring pain.
For only then will we both know
That I didn’t win the game.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: myall lakes australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The lyrics of songs inspire me most these days, Bob Dylan, Paul Kelly and Pink Floyd mostly., Nature and children are also a huge inspiration!

More from this author

Comments

R

raj

9 years 8 months ago

Intonations expressed

Intonations expressed wonderfully in this piece Joan. Come to think of it, Intonations could also fit this piece as a good title I thought, but on re-thinking I believe The Drummer is more apt because it creates the sound in the minds of the reader...looking forward to read more of your poems...

Regards,

R

raj

9 years 8 months ago

Oh really? I don't know why

Oh really? I don't know why you are iffy about it. I will look out for the edits you may be making and will then perhaps know why..

Regards,

wesley snow

wesley snow

9 years 8 months ago

You're "iffy"

because the meter is confused in many places. You write in iamb and anapest, but sometimes you miss it. Look to the longer lines for the most obvious places first then, go on an seek them out. Mixing those two meters is acceptable as they compliment each other. Beware the dactyl foot.

Do you want in on the ballade workshop? I hope so.