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V
vexations10
Mar 01, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Ducks at Play

Sleepy morning visions
of ducks at play
scrape
yesterday’s misery
away.

Vapid imagines
of day-break dew,
I fathom fantasies
brand new.

Given my way
I'd savor
only
you, me,
and ducks at play.

Another Revision.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

More from this author

Comments

weirdelf

weirdelf

14 years 4 months ago

I love this (although ducks scare me, fucknose why)

Creates a weirdly ethereal yet real picture, if that makes any sense.

My only crit would be that you seem to be pushing the point a bit hard. If you consider oneiric, dreams, imagines and visions as virtual similes it seems a bit perhaps repetitiive, perhaps or "the lady prosteth too much"?

S

scribbler

14 years 4 months ago

hi vex

good to see you. You have always been adept at conveying much with few words. This is no exception...........scribbler