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Each Other, Both the Skew
I spied you by the shadows
in the shadows of my mind,
you made my dreams seem dizzy, come what may;
When I left you in the shadows,
I left you off for good,
seems it's you controls what happens on this day.
You lured among the gables
lurked by the cottages,
everything went fuzzy for a while;
something went electric
in the chilly, by the hearth;
I really must insist on but, a smile.
Deep into the evening
invisibility occurred,
not to mention dizzy dreams, and come what may;
Then I left you in the shadows
in a place ye would not fear;
while you were laughing, I gently slipped away.
I viewed you in the shadows
didn't think it were my turn
but the turnstiles thread each other, both the skew;
when I left you in the shadows
I believed 'twas understood,
do this to me; 'twill happen twice, or more for you.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: A rrreallllllllllll rough draft.
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction: How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
docmaverick
13 years ago
Hey...
....say this 3 times to someone!
doc.
Candlewitch
12 years 11 months ago
hello doc,
I like these lines:
Deep into the evening
invisibility occurred,
not to mention dizzy dreams, and come what may;
Then I left you in the shadows
in a place ye would not fear;
while you were laughing, I gently slipped away.
It reminded me of someone dear to my heart, but now departed.
always, Cat
docmaverick
12 years 11 months ago
and Cat....
...then, a memory returns much the same as smoke in the wind.
doc.