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Geremia
Geremia
Nov 06, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

EDEN

EDEN

Surreptitiously
slithering and slipping by
hissing your sibilants
spewing lies
seductive sensuality
you are the death of the Soul
and you call me.
by name.

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

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Comments

loved

loved

12 years 8 months ago

YOU are at your

best
the world shall call u by name
so will I for ever
as poets like you are not made
but born
all the same

loved

loved

12 years 8 months ago

I was born to so do

many a dying guys and gals
lived many more years
than their astrologers and doctors sanctioned,

including my pop..
and many friends

so many lived longer
than even I said so
if I do pretend
one such one I just met
they made amends

and so the world goes around you know ,
I perhaps
before you may go...
Amen!

weirdelf

weirdelf

12 years 8 months ago

A near perfect poem.

Gorgeous use of assonance and alliteration. The body of the poem moves me.

The title spoils it for me because it limits it to a Judeo-Christian context.

an alternative, and evocative title might be simply 'You'

Geremia

Geremia

12 years 8 months ago

Thanks, Jess. wll come up

Thanks, Jess. wll come up wth a dfferent title.

I'm glad you are breathing better, today.I ca't help thinkng of the Fall of the Rman Enpijre, The Pretrian gujard, mostly, mercenaries CHOSE a series f emperors one as neffective as the other.Amer ica has been losing since the Vietnam war. As for beng hated bythe rest of the world for or associaton with u s,
since when did world opinon matter to you.You forget, my friend, I am an Amercan We need to carefully separate our "emperors" from thse they "rule".

The last 4 years have been a nightmare. Unfortunately, I don't think the republicans culd have done any better, They appealed t a phantom majority that hasn't exiisted since the end of the Truman admnstraton, The demgraphics have changed radically,Come and see for yourself--my home is always open to my friends.

Joe

p.s. Pic: Vava vavoom! :) (yor slip is showing) lol

weirdelf

weirdelf

12 years 8 months ago

oh, I never mistake America for Americans, my friend,

or I would have no friends here! As I said on FB to a Kiwi friend recently "Be careful of prejudice against the American people, their government has done things for many years that the usual, kind, considerate American would never condone. Their political system is flawed but they are usually good people like you and me."

Thanks for the invite. I may well take you up on it next year when I could have the opportunity to travel.