Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Mar 01, 2025
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Elephant
Buba Sarah
had a small black elephant
made of ceramic
placed on a high shelf
in her unit.
I took that elephant
and placed it
near the TV flatscreen.
Mistake!
It fell
and broke into
several small pieces
which were impossible
to glue back together.
I went to the opp shop
around the corner
and saw an elephant,
which I bought.
It's a nice elephant.
It's now MY elephant
but with the sparkling spirit
of Buba Sarah inside.
I placed it
near the fake flowers
and the Winnie the Pool plant holder
to ensure it would not fall down.
It's made of timber
and embossed with sparkles
and it cannot be broken.
That's MY elephant.
I learned
when I was quite young
from Buba Sarah,
that it is very important
to have an elephant
somewhere in your residence.
Even my Sarah
gave me a silk screen print
of an elephant
which she made for me
when she was in Bali last year.
Things will fall
and sometimes
they will break
or be broken
shattered into many pieces.
Even special items.
I broke down
and had to be
put back together again.
I am much better
than I was before.
So
bring on all the elephants
in my life.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Since I was a young child, I have always had a soft spot for elephants. I watched documentary series about them ( much as Shaya did about bears). It is often stated -" an elephant never forgets". This is true. They mourn their dead and then leave the elephant's graveyard to another location. I believe they cry as we humans do. But Buba Sarah never said anything to me directly, but I observed, when I was with her how she always had at least one elephant in the unit, especially with a rearing trunk, which supposedly, was lucky. I never asked her for the reason why she had this habit, but an elephant was always with, even when she moved house.
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
4 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI - version 2.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Elephant" tells a poignant story about the significance of elephants in the speaker's life, symbolizing resilience and the ability to overcome challenges. The imagery of the ceramic elephant breaking and being replaced by a sturdier, symbolic elephant made of timber is powerful and conveys a message of strength and growth.
One suggestion for improvement would be to consider refining the structure of the poem to enhance its impact. The poem could benefit from a more consistent use of poetic devices such as metaphors, similes, or symbolism to deepen the emotional resonance of the narrative. Additionally, paying attention to the flow and rhythm of the lines could help create a more cohesive and engaging piece.
Overall, the poem effectively communicates a message of resilience and personal growth through the metaphor of the elephant. By further developing the poetic elements and structure, the poem could become even more compelling and thought-provoking.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
4 months 1 week ago
Without...
referencing Buba Sarah's reaction to the accident with the "black" elephant, I will make the assumption, that Sarah was no longer alive; but the memories of her drove you to buy another one that you can hold in her memory. I liked the lines:
Even special items.
I broke down
and had to be
put back together again.
I am much better
than I was before.
So
bring on all the elephants
in my life.
Geezer.
.
The Gogetter
4 months 1 week ago
Response to Elephant
Yes, quite right Geezer. Buba Sarah was my grandmother. I spent hours with her on the weekends. Crocheting, sewing clothes, cutting patterns. And also, she loved old Hollywood movies and I love Lucy. But seriously, she loved her elephant with the uplifted trunk, which is supposed to be lucky. Not only did I buy one elephant, without an uplifted truck, but just today, I bought another, with an uplifted trunk. I like the bit you quoted from my poem, because not only am I feeling better inside my mind, but I am also putting on weight around my hips and enjoying my food. Is that supposed to be a reaction to therapy? I wonder? I had to discard sixteen items from my wardrobe.
Geezer
4 months 1 week ago
If whatever...
therapy you are receiving, is helping you to maintain a healthy body and gain weight, I would say that is a good thing.
Your mind and body are interlinked and should be treated as such. ~ Geezer.
.