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May 06, 2026
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The Embers Burn Low
I set the plate, the chipped blue rim,
and watch the world grow strange and dim.
Inside your eyes—those windows barred,
where once I played in the sunny yard.
You look at me, but the look is thin,
like tracing silk where a soul had been.
The shadows stretch across the floor,
beside a man who is no more.
The stories that he loved to tell,
have vanished in a silent spell.
A withered leaf upon the sill,
against the winter’s heavy chill.
The strong, warm hand I used to hold,
is fragile now and growing cold.
He looks at me with vacant eyes,
as all his inner sunlight dies.
He asks for his wife, long since gone,
the only love he leans upon.
I am your parent now, folding your clothes,
wiping your chin where silver hair grows.
I tuck in the blankets and kiss your cold brow,
the girl you raised is a ghost to you now.
I whisper names he used to know,
while watching as the embers burn low.
But sometimes a spark, a tilt of the head,
brings back a word that we thought was long dead.
For a heartbeat, you’re there, and you say my name,
and the cold in my chest turns to flickering flame.
Though time has taken the man that I knew,
My heart will always hold onto that version of you.
— RJ Bear, May 06, 2026
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About This Poem
Last Few Words: Dementia is a slow and quiet robbery, where the thief steals the treasure but leaves the chest behind.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Critiques
neopoet
1 week 5 days ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem offers a poignant exploration of aging, memory loss, and role reversal within a parent-child relationship. The narrative is clear and emotionally resonant, with a strong sense of atmosphere and careful attention to detail.
Strengths: - The imagery is vivid and consistent, particularly in lines like “the chipped blue rim,” “a withered leaf upon the sill,” and “the embers burn low.” These concrete details ground the emotional content and evoke a sense of domestic intimacy and decline. - The poem’s structure—six-line stanzas with paired rhymes—creates a gentle, elegiac rhythm that suits the subject matter. - The motif of light and warmth (sunny yard, inner sunlight, embers, flickering flame) is woven throughout, reinforcing the theme of fading vitality and memory. - The emotional arc is well-developed, moving from loss and grief to a momentary reconnection, and closing with acceptance and enduring love.
Areas for Consideration: - Some lines rely on familiar phrases or imagery (“vacant eyes,” “the man that I knew”), which could be further individualized to deepen the poem’s impact. - The transition from the third to the fourth stanza, where the speaker explicitly states “I am your parent now,” is effective but somewhat abrupt. Consider whether this shift could be foreshadowed or integrated more subtly earlier in the poem. - The final couplet, while heartfelt, restates the poem’s theme in a straightforward way. Exploring a more nuanced or image-driven ending could leave a stronger impression.
Overall, the poem is cohesive and affecting, with a clear emotional trajectory and well-chosen imagery. Revising for originality in phrasing and experimenting with the ending could further strengthen the work.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to our contact form.
Candlewitch
1 week 1 day ago
dear Bear,
the subject matter of this piece is heartbreaking...it is softly stated and endearing. it brings to mind, the movie titled: "the notebook". dementia is a cruel master, as you say leaving empty shells in its wake of time... great job on this poem. I hope it won the new member poem contest, it is deserving, to be sure!
Best to you! Cat
Ray Bear
1 week ago
Thank you
Hi Cat thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate your thoughtful comments. Regards Ray