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Apr 15, 2018
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emotionally yours
emotionally yours
one feels the pangs
weighing from within
when sparks are thrown all about
it kills emotions of one from within
as sparks
a lightening fire brings
and then suffice it to say
ashes all the way
sparks die without and within
the poet was
they say
an emotional one
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Eumolpus
7 years 3 months ago
a nice work
i see a few changes in this stanza:
it kills emotions of one from within
as sparks
a lightening fire bringS
and then suffice it to say
ashes all the way
sparks die without and within
the poet was
they say
an emotional one
I would add the "s" to bring, make the one line its own as it has enough weight, and omit "gone with the wind" as it is not only the line by Earnest Dawson but the reader will have immediate thought and distraction of the book/movie, one of the most seen movies of all time. The line might be replaced, or to me, I like the end as is...
..
lovedly
7 years 3 months ago
thanks Eumo
your suggestions are great
gives life to the poem
amended it
thanks
Lord Barham
7 years 3 months ago
not sure what to say
Your poem intrigues me. I like the ironic twist at the end which converts the whole poem into an extended metaphor.
lovedly
7 years 3 months ago
great Lord
You said it all
Hope it was meaningful
I did not understand fully
Thanks for your maiden call
Do come again