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Apr 26, 2025
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The Empty Chair version two
Together
meant something very special for us.
We worked together.
We lived together.
It was just the way we were.
Shaya
was a tower of strength
for all of us.
He had a big heart
and he showed how much he loved
us all.
There is a very large hole
for all of us to fill.
The six of us
when we went out,
together,,
was a gathering of warmth and love..
So easily expressed.
He had a way
of being present
in every aspect of our lives.
He had a way
of expressing emotion
so deep,
so loud,
so caring.
He has left his mark
on both of his daughters.
They knew they were loved.
He showed them all the time
in every way possible.
So,
when we five
went to celebrate
Faye's birthday,
that empty chair
reminded me
of what we all were missing.
With the cutlery and place setting
removed,
I continued to stare
at the empty place
and thought about the person
whom we still miss even today.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I have taken up AI's suggestion and Geezer's too, to re-work "The Empty Chair". This is version two of this poem. I have another, but I am waiting see what AI and Geezer think about version two.
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI - version 2.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "The Empty Chair version two" beautifully captures the sense of loss and longing for a loved one who is no longer present. The imagery of the empty chair at the birthday celebration effectively conveys the absence felt by the speaker and the group. The repetition of the theme of togetherness and love reinforces the deep emotional connection shared by the group and the impact of the individual who is no longer there.
One suggestion for improvement would be to consider varying the structure of the poem to create more dynamic pacing. By incorporating varied line lengths or stanza breaks, you can enhance the flow of the poem and create moments of pause or emphasis where needed. This can help to guide the reader through the emotional journey of the poem and create a more engaging reading experience.
Additionally, exploring different poetic devices such as metaphor, simile, or symbolism could add layers of complexity to the poem and deepen its impact. By incorporating these elements thoughtfully, you can enrich the imagery and evoke a more vivid emotional response from
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
2 months 2 weeks ago
Read it aloud...
Punctuate as you read it; clear, crisp lines make the difference. ~ Geez.
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The Gogetter
2 months 2 weeks ago
Thank you Geezer
Very prompt and sparse in your words there Geezer, but effective , as usual. Nice addition to my bank of knowledge.