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Oct 06, 2018
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An End (October Contest)
The universe wept, it had spawned a creature.
Unlike any other creature of planet Earth
This thing was intent, through greed, on destruction
In a perfect place the universe had made.
In its regret it had made a thinking man.
A fault that a man creature might be perfect
Seven Billion of them causing havoc
The ability to think had been wasted.
Evolution they were told brought this about
Others of that scourge, blamed a God
They only had to seek out the truth, to know the truth
Man’s thoughts were flawed to self-destruct.
The universe pondered this problem.
In the morning of the eighth day as days go,
The universe folded its pathways in healing.
There man was no more on the blue planet.
The blue planet once again shone with joy..
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I shall pull up the ladder on reaching the top lol xx
Review Request Direction:
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
lovedly
6 years 9 months ago
nice one about changes which have come
but sad enough not only 'coz of autumn
just a suggestion
speak of forests erosion
rivers hurricanes and tsunamis
and blasts of blasted minds
which change the environment
from green to charcoal
many a times
as oil burns
One more point
you have used ''man and creature'' too closely
may you use kinder words
but differently
then the FIRST PRIZE
this time you must get surely
ENVIRONMENTAL changes
judges minds equally
Thank your lucky stars
I won't be judging thee
as autumn is cold here
for me
Sparrow
6 years 8 months ago
loved
The changes are in the author and his/her look at things through their eyes at that moment, the universe that made us can in an instant take us away.
We are a minor part of this beaut planet and as I have said without going into the details, it only needs the universe to rid this planet of those that are of no use to it ..
Take care young Bard I await your October entry,
Yours Ian ..
lovedly
6 years 8 months ago
who can judge
who is and who is NOT
Ian
in any case all the best
I may not enter the contest
so lay all my pieces being posted
at rest
that's BEST!
scribbler
6 years 8 months ago
Hmmmm....
I can only hope that the creator won't see fit to save the planet at Our expense before we have time to adapt our technology to the needs of nature......stan
Sparrow
6 years 8 months ago
Stan
Thank you for your visit, I am not one way or another into a creator of any kind, we as humons have a beginning and an end this is the label we put on everything. What label would we put on something that has always been regardless of our ticking time ??
It returns to a religious thing, if we talk about these things, there fear and arguments lay in heaps.
So I will pass on eternity, and enjoy this space I fill at thi moment ..
Take care young woodsman and know you are well thought of always,
Yours Ian ..
raj
6 years 8 months ago
Best wishes Ian
Best wishes Ian
....................................
Sparrow
6 years 8 months ago
raj
Many thanks for your visit,
Yours Ian ..