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May 04, 2016
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The End of The World
I walked to the end of the world last night
And peered over the edge
I saw good people going hungry
I saw evil people decadent in their excesses
Crying they need more of the pie
I saw the masses of the self-righteous
Walking like zombies to pay homage to the rich
An offering on hopes that someday
They will be the decadent too
I saw solders killing without cause
While politicians cried more, more, more
Then I saw the great and merciful moon
Doing her part to save humanity from itself
By shorting the days or we would all surely die
About This Poem
Last Few Words: it's been five years since I have been here. hello everyone I hope there are still some old friends here and maybe someone new ones
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
jane210660
9 years 1 month ago
I love the imagery in this
I love the imagery in this poem:
'I walked to the end of the world last night
And peered over the edge'
I also really like the sentiment.
I can't help it, I'm English and a teacher.......... but I think a little punctuation would help my anal-ness.
You however, may justifiably prefer it this way. Jx
scribbler
9 years 1 month ago
Hi hobo
I was beginning to think you Had fallen off the edge lol. Welcome back. Your poem does a good job summing up the way things seem to be now days........stan