Neopoem Weekly 01/19/25 to 01/25/25

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Enlightenment

I walked into the woods today, just to clear my mind,
Searching for tranquillity or whatever I might find.
I navigated through the trees beside a rushing brook,
I couldn't find enlightenment, so I took another look.
The sights and sounds of nature were all there to behold,
Still no sign of contentment, so forward on I strolled.
I felt disappointed, as I left the woods today,
A waste of time and effort, I thought along the way.

An old man sitting on a bench right beside the street,
Invited me to sit a spell, so I stopped and had a seat.
In his face I saw contentment, there was wisdom in his eyes,
The words that he imparted, surely caught me by surprise.

“If you open up your eyes, you’ll be amazed at what you see,
You are living in a country where tranquillity is free.
Contentment is a lifestyle, a choice we all must make,
You are what you are seeking, you are not here by mistake.
I have made my share of blunders, I have felt entitlement,
It has taken many years to finally find enlightenment.
Do for others all the things, you’d hope they would for you.
And always give it your best shot, no matter what you do.”

It was late when I got home, so I climbed into my bed,
In my mind, I was replaying all the things the old man said.
As I lay there in the stillness, I began to realize,
The people who are wisest, don't always start out wise.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Cape Breton, Canada

Comments

neopoet

5 months ago

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Your poem "Enlightenment" beautifully captures a journey of seeking contentment and wisdom through nature and a chance encounter with an old man. The imagery of the woods and the interaction with the old man create a vivid narrative that draws the reader in.

One suggestion for improvement would be to consider incorporating more varied poetic devices to enhance the depth and impact of your poem. For example, you could experiment with metaphors, similes, or symbolism to add layers of meaning to your exploration of enlightenment and wisdom. Additionally, paying attention to the rhythm and flow of your lines could help create a more cohesive and engaging structure for your poem.

Overall, your poem has a strong narrative and message about the search for contentment and wisdom, and further refining the poetic elements could elevate the emotional resonance of your piece.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

5 months ago

Great rhythm...

I love the sing song quality to this; it rolls right along. The title is good, and the logic follows from the beginning, right through to the end. I like the thoughts of the subject as he goes to bed. It would seem that he has gained some enlightenment along the way. Nice job. ~ Geezer.
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