Enslaved...

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Enslaved..." demonstrates a strong emotional narrative, with the speaker expressing deep devotion and vulnerability. The use of metaphoric language such as "enslaved by thoughts of you" and "chained together forever" effectively conveys the intensity of the speaker's feelings.

However, the poem could benefit from more precise and varied language. For instance, "mindless amazement" is a somewhat vague phrase that could be replaced with more concrete imagery or specific details to better illustrate the speaker's state of mind.

The poem's structure is also somewhat inconsistent. The first two stanzas have four lines each, while the third has three and the fourth has five. This irregularity can disrupt the rhythm and flow of the poem. It may be beneficial to revise the poem with a consistent stanza structure.

The poem's theme of love and devotion is clear, but the reference to "the master" in the last stanza is a bit ambiguous. If this is a metaphor, it could be made clearer to ensure the reader fully understands its meaning. If it's a literal reference, providing more context could help the reader better understand the speaker's situation.

The poem's tone is consistent, effectively conveying a sense of longing and desperation. However, the phrase "loose lips and all that" is somewhat casual and colloquial, which can disrupt the overall tone. Consider revising this phrase to maintain the poem's serious and emotional tone.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structures. Most lines begin with "I", which can become repetitive. Experimenting with different sentence structures could make the poem more dynamic and engaging.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Hello, Geezer,
This is a little deeper than your usual, especially the potent title and the last stanza. A part of me wants to know more, yet the feeling in the poem is so strong, it may not be necessary. A complicated love relationship, it seems.
I always enjoy your free verse.
Thank you,
L
(Hmm...Is this entered under the correct contest?)

With your explanation, I completely understand how this unfolds. Before, I was puzzled just a bit by the last stanza. I read too much into "loose lips" (sink ships) and thought this was possibly taking place aboard a ship. (Mater of a ship. Seems silly now, I know.) Probably just me. Maybe just a hint in the first or second stanza to let the reader know that this is taking place in a harem? I definitely felt the danger in the circumstances, just not clear of what the situation was.
Thank you,
L

That second stanza adds so much! Wonderful revision!
L

Somehow I relate...I like this a lot. The emotion is real, the situation is real...I think I am interpreting it differently based on my own experiences but I surely hope he finds his freedom one day.

I think your changes helped with the flow and the imagery and it makes more sense now with your explanation. Good job xxx