Envy and Earth (Green)

The serpent’s eyes like peridot
Did stare me down headlong
A fountain head of jealousy
So vicious and so strong

It’s not that I don’t know my worth
Or I don’t have enough
This envy of what others have
Stands strong in its rebuff

I stood atop the hill with Thoth
Where life and wisdom live
Asked swift footed Mercury
What secrets he may give

Plant your seeds inside my mind
Watch them grow verdant
Let me lie down in your field
To gather all I want

Taste you in the air we breathe
Colorless, that’s true
I inhale and smell the green
I exhale into you

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: U.S.A., USA

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Walt Whitman. I’m enamored by the work of lyricists such as Robert Hunter, John Barlow, John Dyer Baizley, and Tom Marshall just to name a handful.

Comments

Candlewitch

3 years ago

dear Tim,

this is the kind of poetry that holds the reader breathless throughout the reading... when I got my wind back, wow, was the only word that came to me...won't you throw this drowning woman a raft? i had to go back to the top and start all over again for another absorption. I am on my knees! these lines held me rapt:

The serpent’s eyes like peridot
Did stare me down headlong
A fountain head of jealousy
So vicious and so strong

and these:

Taste you in the air we breathe
Colorless, that’s true
I inhale and smell the green
I exhale into you
leave me weak all over (a true poetic climax!)

*hugs, Cat