Race_9togo

May 30, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Epiphany

There came a lurch within my chest
when you put my car in gear
and eased us out from our driveway,
not because I feared your lack
of skill behind the wheel,

but because I looked at you
as you stopped us on the edge
of busy street and watched you
look, turn and accelerate
with the confidence that only comes
from being comfortable inside
one's skin,

and I knew then
the little girl I raised
has become a formidible woman,
filled with grace and beauty
few men will be unmoved by,
an ease of action,
an intelligence
and strength of purpose
others will always
try to emulate,

and these all tell me,
in your flashing grin
at seeing me watching you,
that I can pass
from your life now,
without the worry you
might be unsuccessful
and alone

How like your mother
you have become
in your womanhood,
how lovely and unique,
how strong.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Earth Vicinity (within a five light-year radius), ZZC

Favorite Poets: John Donne, T.S. Eliot, Serendipity, Emily Dickenson, Kailashana, Charles Bukowski, Kabir, Rett, Dalton, W. B. Yeats, William Blake, Rainer Maria Rilke, and many other Neopoet poets; Neopoet has heavily influenced my poetry and my ability to write it well.

Comments

Eduardo Cruz

14 years 1 month ago

Very touching

Wow, I know this feeling.
I have three girls, they range
from forty years old
to the youngest being twenty.
Each has made me proud
to be a father of three lovely girls

Beautiful write!

Eddie

Race_9togo

14 years 1 month ago

Thanks man,

We were out last Saturday, she and I, I was teaching her how to drive on the expressway.
This resulted.
Glad you enjoyed it.

wesley snow

14 years 1 month ago

A nice poem

This didn't blow me away, but then it likely was not intended to. The language was simple and honest, dealing with a moment in life I will never experience. wesley

Race_9togo

14 years 1 month ago

Thanks Wesley.

Not intended to blow one away, just to capture that particular moment.

weirdelf

14 years 1 month ago

"A gentle epiphany" might be a better title

The word epiphany implies a crucial, spiritual, life-changing realisation, where this is more a gentle acknowledgement.

I hope her mother wasn't pissed off by the last 3 lines
"and yet how unlike,
how lovely and unique,
how strong."
Kinda of implies that she isn't lovely, unique and strong.
Or was that a bit of a dig?

Race_9togo

14 years 1 month ago

Thanks Jess

LMAO
Took that line out - was part of the first write, not deleted when it should have been.
Wife didn't see that version, I'm happy to say!
"gentle" nah, too passive for me.
Thanks again

Kailashana2

14 years 1 month ago

Close call, eh? ;-)

There are those moments that we know we know *something* and those of our loved ones who see us knowing that something we now kno . It's a dance and a smile of simple recognition, not easy to articulate.

You have done so, beautifully and with graceful subtlety.

Race_9togo

14 years 1 month ago

Thanks Anna

Yes, when it strikes it is powerful and satisfying.
Glad you like this one.

scribbler

14 years 1 month ago

HUH!

Afraid of your wife!?! You should be more like me..........terrified lol.........stan

Race_9togo

14 years 1 month ago

LOL

Aren't we all?

magics02

14 years 1 month ago

Race

I could not bring myself to comment on this the other day as I let it "Sit" with me for a while. I tell you it was heartfelt the love you have for your daughter and the things you mentioned are so much of how my father feels about me also. I like how this touched my soul and my very being and I know you must be an awesome father. I am not critiquing this for these are words only you can change.

Great writing
Spirit of you to you and your daughter - she is lucky to have a father like you
Ms Mona

Race_9togo

14 years 1 month ago

Thanks Mona

For the kind words.

faerybeki

14 years 1 month ago

A lovely touching write Jim,

A lovely touching write Jim, I thoroughly enjoyed it (all 3 times :) ) and how wonderful your daughter can be so comfortable in her skin :) down to how well loved she is no doubt ;) much love Beki xxx

Race_9togo

14 years 1 month ago

Hi Beki

Thanks for your enjoyment!

scribbler

14 years 1 month ago

Hi

I have no daughters but well recall the feeling of first realizing my "boys" were now men. I find nothing to suggest changing...............stan

Race_9togo

14 years 1 month ago

Hey

Yeah, it follows with boys as well as girls, its just that with all her friends pregnant or in dead-end jobs or both or no job she works full time, goes to school, and doesn't want a kid until she's in her 30s, lol. A father's dream.