Lavender

Sep 22, 2024 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Equinox

There was no voice, no sudden sound,
no declaration to astound
the turning leaves, the shadows cast
the waning daylight, once held fast.

Now Autumn rose in cooling air,
its gentleness, an answered prayer.
The summer simply bowed and turned,
its glory fading, its time adjourned,

while wistful memories soon surrender
to northern winds of late September

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Mother Nature works wonders - on her own time.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Favorite Poets: I tend to read Ted Kooser, Jim Harrison, Billy Collins, Paul Simon, Robert Frost. I like minimalist poetry, and poems reflecting on nature and Mother Earth.

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Comments

Triskelion

9 months 2 weeks ago

Hi Lavender

This is a good subject to write about. I can't say I have ever read anything that so specifically targets the fall equinox. I see there needs work on the metre in spots and I can only make a couple suggestions.
The combination of words "soon to abate" in itself is metrically different from a lot of the rest of the poem, so changing that would help.
Metrically speaking again, the word "ushered" could be replaced with "escort" (although wanes poetic)
I needed to read S2, L3 a few times before I caught the gist of it. I wonder if some sort of punctuation is needed between the words "heat" and "days". I'm not super familiar with punctuation but perhaps a hyphen, comma or that comma thing with the dot above it thingamajig would help there?
I'd like to see another stanza strong with imagery too!

A good subject to pursue, Lavender. I hope to see you working on this one.

Thomas

Lavender

9 months 2 weeks ago

Hello, Thomas!

Thank you so much for your helpful critique. Much appreciated. I reworked the entire second stanza - had a love/no-so-much-love feeling toward "abate." As far as meter, I'm always shy of getting it quite right, but will keep trying! I wanted to keep this as brief as possible - kind of slip by in a subtle manner much like the equinox. I did add a couplet to help round it up.
Thanks, again for your consideration with this one! It means a lot to me!
L

Candlewitch

9 months 2 weeks ago

Dear Lavender,

I think your poem about the Autumnal Equinox is superb. As Tomas has said, I too, have read none better! I would love to read another verse, if you feel so inclined...

*Brightest of Blessings, Cat

Candlewitch

9 months 2 weeks ago

Dear Lady Lavender,

your changes are magical, transforming the poem into a story-poem! I love it!

*hugs, Cat

Lavender

9 months 2 weeks ago

Hello, Cat!

Thank you! As I mentioned to Thomas, I wanted this to be brief - almost as unnoticeable as the magical equinox. I am grateful for your generous help!
Lx

Leslie

9 months 2 weeks ago

L

A nearly perfect poem the authumn is so brief. I would add another line or two if you so desired.

Lavender

9 months 2 weeks ago

Hello, Leslie,

Thank you for reading and your suggestion. I'll think it over. The poem is actually not so much about fall, but is more about the equinox which arrived in my time zone at 8:44 this morning - a very precise and brief period of time, and I was hoping the poem would be just as subtle and transient. Wanted to keep it tight.
Thank you, again, for reading and sharing your thoughts!
L

Geezer

9 months 2 weeks ago

I wouldn't...

change a thing, unless it was to add another couplet; but how to? Nah, leave this the way it is, perfect! ~ Geez.
.

Lavender

9 months 2 weeks ago

Thank you, Geezer!

I really appreciate your input! Such a supernatural event!
L

Michael Anthony

9 months 2 weeks ago

So good L! I could feel the

So good L! I could feel the onset of fall coming in your words - well done. Thank you for sharing!

Best

Lavender

9 months 2 weeks ago

Hello, Michael,

I love the magical ways of nature. Beyond our imagination how it all follows through with perfect timing.
Thank you!
L

mark

9 months 2 weeks ago

mmm delicious

I didn't even know it had occured until Geez mentioned it. But I had been looking at the signs the few trees with bits of color. And the change in the sunlight that not many people agree with me happens. Then in a meet the Geez broke the word to us. All I could say was soon we'll see snow (up here in New England). Well that didn't go over too well lol
Thanks for the pleasure Lav,
Mark

Lavender

9 months 2 weeks ago

Hello, Mark,

The change in seasons is so complex, it's simple. Just Mother Nature doing her thing. Thank you for your visit! Always appreciated!
L

Rula

9 months 2 weeks ago

Dear Lavender

Sorry I'm so late to this beauty.
I'm really thankful for the few new words including the title.
And as Fall is my favorite of all, so I very much enjoyed and appreciate the read. The 2nd stanza with the closing lines are definitely my favorite.

Thank you for sharing this one.

Lavender

9 months 2 weeks ago

Hello, Rula!

It's kinda amazing that there is a very specific time for the equinox. Of course, Mother Nature doesn't care about our time frame - she's on her own.
Thank you, Rula!
Lx