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Jan 17, 2019
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Eternity
the seduction of eternity
ice house Shekinah
sad hag
during the blood soil days
pets left on the dark side of the moon
a deluge of morality in a palace of tears
structures of consciousness under compression
the tongue of eternity
a veiled Eros licking
flickers a selfish dream serenade
pollen of discontent
like a pregnant superhero
dressed in a candy wrapper
treading a visionless ezoic brain
bugs
war zones of memes and genes
all matter is metaphor
near death objects
meteors of grinning spiked crowns
we are memetic plucked limbs
sulfurous dust
short lived bloated yolks, clawed minds
mice in a supermarket with tape worms
and a trade mark
we are something boiling
the bowels of eternity
graves of meat and mud
crucifixes in a screaming abyss
belly of shadows
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
quillsveinback
6 years 6 months ago
I love
most of these images, especially "the spiked crowns/meteor" one. You've obviously learned a lot from that odd root of Surrealism.
Thing is, they aren't economized in any particular way, Technique, all that friend!
zebra
6 years 6 months ago
Yes, I recognized it
Yes, I recognized the surreal strain immediately in myself through your riveting work Touched beyond measure!!!!!
As for your last comment can you be more explicit I think you mean the work could be better organized;
Technique??? I need to understand this better
quillsveinback
6 years 6 months ago
It is also
your choice: metrics, the leaning on of certain vowels--check out The Book of Forms by Alfred Corn
zebra
6 years 6 months ago
okay thanks
okay thanks
zebra
6 years 6 months ago
I thought free verse was free
I thought free verse was free of formal structure resembling natural speech Pls define leaning on vowels Can you give an example and show a qualitative difference between the structures of leaning and not leaning
Are we talking assonance. word segmentation as in various forms of prosody?
I am of not unfamiliar with the economy of language as in pairing down, streamlining
Is this what your referencing to?
Google, Amazon etc. produced no Book of Forms by Corn
How about
The poems heart beat A Manual of Prosody by Corn