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Oct 02, 2011
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Eternity apocalypse 3
Lonely planet, two inhabit the universe
Forging on the will to survive.
Indication of life amongst the remains
He discovers a loved one's grave
Making camp near by he keeps watch
Days pass, desolation resides.
He passes on, she passes by,
He has gone.
Eternal strangers, loneliness eating them alive
Each unaware of other.
Existing in parallel,
Live out there days alone,
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Candlewitch
14 years ago
Dear Lou,
Are you trying to make me cry? This is very sad and forlorn. I like it!
always, Cat
lou
14 years ago
Cat
Not trying to make you cry specifically, but in general job done.
Thank you
Lou
lou
14 years ago
Xena
A www shucks lol
Lou
judyanne
14 years ago
hello lou
Making camp near by he keeps watch (nearby - one word)
Days pass, desolation resides. - awesome line lou...
Existing in parallel, - i really like this
Live out there days alone, (their)
a very powerful write lou -
love judy
lou
14 years ago
Hi
Glad to see you. Thankyounforbreading and I'll make the corrections.
Lou
wesley snow
14 years ago
Had a little trouble with the last line.
Somehow the grammar doesn't quite work, but I'm hooked on the tale and wish you would expand the pieces. A lot is here and I want much more. Get crackin' (if I may be so bold). wesley
lou
14 years ago
Wesley
I'll take a look at the last line, as far as expanding goes I think ill do that within a short story.
Thank you
Lou