Rula

Mar 06, 2015 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the contest:

March Contest

(Read More...)

The Evergreen Hearts (March Contest)

Come on my heart it's time to bloom
it's time to stir your buds alive
for spring is here, wipe out the gloom
where everything's a busy hive.

That summer's here, it's never late
come on my heart it's time to bloom.
It's never late to celebrate
and stroll across the peaceful flume.

When summer's gone, there is still room
for you and I are still entwined.
Come on my heart it's time to bloom
so leave those frowns somewhere behind

Should winter come with its cold touch
the sun is shy, no beams to loom
we still can warm with love and such
come on my heart, it's time to bloom.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and , Poets are humanity when the world lose it.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

emeka ozurumba

10 years 3 months ago

o very nice..

the tone to the reader is under dying not monotonous, and i find it very touching yet compelling.. great piece

Rula

10 years 3 months ago

Thank you

emeka. So kind of you to come and leave a comment. Appeciate it.

raj

10 years 3 months ago

Hi Rula

nice Quatern where the repeating line doesn't seem forced, the appeal to the heart is very much vivid....you too are a strong contender amongst three so far, ..i see two more ..Judyanne & Ian...yet to read Ian's..

best of luck for the contest..

Rula

10 years 3 months ago

:)

You're humbly underestimating yourself Raj... DON'T :)

judyanne

10 years 3 months ago

lovely Rula

A couple of nits
Verse 1 stanza 2 has 9 syllables
Verse 1 Stanza 3 has 7

Best of luck in the contest
love judy
xxx

Rula

10 years 3 months ago

Thank you as always

dear Judy. I hadn't had my morning coffee yet when I posted.
I doubled checked...and yet... oh these excuses...:)

scribbler

10 years 3 months ago

Dang!

MM beat me to it about the syllables lol. I'm not sure if you are addressing yourself or your beloved in S-2, L-2. If your beloved it might be best to put comma before and after "my heart". Best of luck in contest........stan

Rula

10 years 3 months ago

How about

leaving it opened since it has many interpretations, or/and could be read in different ways?
Appreciate the thought yet and the suggestion Stan. Let me think :)

scribbler

10 years 3 months ago

You know me

I just throw out seeds and let others determine if they're worthy of sprouting lol.

Rula

10 years 3 months ago

and I appreciate them

all Stan.

Sparrow

10 years 3 months ago

Rula

A beautiful write, I know Jess doesn't like the use of the word beautiful, but in this case it stands.
I suppose I will have to yield to the ladies of Neopoet again lol.
Take care and keep up with this quality of writing,
Yours as always, Ian..

Tiny thing:- Should winter come with its (cold) touch
Take out the cold, all other lines to me are perfect at 8 syllables..???

Rula

10 years 3 months ago

Thank you Ian

sorry for the belated reply.
Reallly appreciate the nice comment
That line you've pointed out is also 8 syllables, I believe. :)
Have a nice day.

Sparrow

10 years 3 months ago

Rula

Some of the syllable counters give "Touch" as being two syllables, but I guess it can be one of those words where the emphasise can be either, for two or one.
"Stet" is the word for your line lol "then let it stand.."
Have a lovely day out there,
Yours as always Ian..

mand

10 years 3 months ago

Rula

it's 7 in the morning here - the dawn chorus is in full flow - and I've just read your poem! A beautiful start to the day. :)

Love Mand xxxx

Rula

10 years 3 months ago

I wouldn't have

asked for more dear Mand. I am so happy you liked this dear.
Thanks for your kind visit.

raj

10 years 3 months ago

Rula

I venture to make a couple of suggestions:0

If the poem ts about the same heart, the title should read Evergreen Heart rather than the plural Hearts

In verse 2 of S1 would "stir: be a better option than "bring"...I feel the word stir has a motion of its own than bring..

Regards,

Rula

10 years 3 months ago

thank you raj

as for heart(s), I believe both work fine. Heart as talking about "that same one heart", and
"hearts" works as well as to make a generalization of all those that are the same.

but for stir, I think I like it though again bring and many other words work perfectly there, but I'll change as I think it's a word that I rarely used, if ever. :)

Appreciate your time, and the suggestions.