Evil Tinker Toys (by: eddy styx)

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem, "Evil Tinker Toys," demonstrates effective use of metaphor and vivid imagery. However, there are areas where it could be improved.

The poem starts with a simple, almost playful tone, which contrasts effectively with the darker themes introduced later. This contrast could be enhanced by making the initial imagery even more innocent and childlike.

The transition from the toy workshop to finding souls could be made clearer. Currently, it's somewhat abrupt and could be confusing for readers. A smoother transition could be achieved by introducing the concept of the speaker finding and fixing things earlier in the poem.

The rhyme scheme is mostly consistent, which helps to create a rhythmic flow. However, there are places where the scheme is broken, which disrupts this flow. For example, the lines "Men, mostly women / not redemption wanting," do not rhyme with the surrounding lines. Adjusting these lines to fit the rhyme scheme could improve the poem's rhythm.

The poem's ending is powerful, but the phrase "like wet tinker toys" is somewhat unclear. If the intention is to suggest that the souls are as easy to manipulate as children's toys, this could be made clearer. Alternatively, if the intention is to create a disturbing image, more specific and visceral language could be used.

Overall, the poem has a strong concept and uses effective techniques, but could benefit from clearer transitions, a more consistent rhyme scheme, and more specific language in places.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Hello, Eddy,
One of your best! Almost has an ironic happy-go-lucky rhythm to it which makes it all the more eerie. I wonder about the word "miniature" - throws the rhythm off a bit in that line. Maybe mini, tiny? Also, it may sound smoother to state "redemption, not wanting" instead of "not redemption wanting" - if that doesn't change your intent. I see that you are coming back to edit with punctuation. I'll be back to read this mesmerizing, sinister piece!
Thank you!
L
(dinned s/b dined, I believe...)

Hey Cat/Eddy, I did enjoy this. there's a real sing song feel to it which leads the reader nicley on towards the bitter end almost like a dark comedy sketch. it sort of reminded me a little of Monty Python?
I'll read it again when you've punctuated it, but so far a really impressive piece. Ruby :) xxx

Some of my favorite things to write and read about! Especially when they are real! Classic twisted and gruesome Eddy. Well done.

Congratulations on winning the poem of the week. A great poem, well done, Ruby :) xx

Hi Cat.

A huge shout out to you for your winning poem (and to Eddy too)! Keep on fixin' that which needs fixin'.

I enjoyed the read! - Will

Wonderful job!
L

He sure makes a person look at the world from a different perspective. Congratulations on winning the contest!

Line 4 do you mean witch or which?Sounds like eddy has been having fun.....

The topic shift from toys to people, so well done it was almost imperceptible. And then drawing the parallel back from people into the toys again, but so gruesomly. Quite a disturbing, but well written poem!