Candlewitch

Aug 16, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Exhalation Travel (eddy styx) formerly known as "Secrets"

secrets

I am foreign
among your petals
breathing deeply.
softly sighing
brain eruptions
tiny tingling deaths
intubate me
with kisses slow,
being is believing.
sniffling surreptitiously
dandelion fuzz
on fluttering fingers.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

raj

13 years 11 months ago

Dearest Cat

i liked the sensual characteristic of this write

Candlewitch

13 years 11 months ago

Thanks raj,

Glad you liked it! It is very different for an eddy styx poem.

always, Cat

Candlewitch

13 years 11 months ago

Dear Ian,

Even with a love poem, eddy styx is still weird! Thanks for reading and responding!

always, eddy (& cat)

scribbler

13 years 11 months ago

hello

I read this as a bee pollinating but realize it didn't Have to be a bee to still be correct. Was that enough be's lol. L-4 I would switch the two words to match up better with line 3 but that's just me............

Candlewitch

13 years 11 months ago

LOL~

Thanks Stan,

I'll think about your suggestion!

always, eddy (& cat)

loved

13 years 11 months ago

Cat You Are

Cat You Are
That silver lining
We see around a cloud,
So many of us would like to catch it
At least me,
Have no doubt
But the lining is so silvery,
My eyes can't that distance see
But surely do come by
And
Elevate me
To a higher storey

Candlewitch

13 years 11 months ago

Dear Loved,

Thank you kindly, that's very sweet of you!

always, eddy (& Cat)

Eduardo Cruz

13 years 11 months ago

Cat

It feels like love, but there is an underlining feeling of the touch of death in this. Why I don't know, but there is a certain sweetness to the feeling over taking the reader. Well at lease me.
Bravisima!!

Eddie

Candlewitch

13 years 11 months ago

Dear Eddie,

I think it is the word "intubate" as it is an action of rescue. And it was intentional, so glad you picked up on this subtlty. You're a deep thinker!

always, eddy (& cat)

Eduardo Cruz

13 years 11 months ago

Cat

The deepness is in your write. I just see it. the credit is all yours, Buddy

Eddie

Candlewitch

13 years 11 months ago

Dear Eddie,

LOL! You're a hard man to pay a compliment! But a good man, too!

always, eddy (& cat)

Kailashana2

13 years 11 months ago

Hi Cat, first let me ask did

Hi Cat, first let me ask did you mean *exaltation* ?

Or .exhilaration?

Would you consider renaming the poem whichever you meant: *exaltation* or *exhilaration*?

Omit it as your last sentence?

Candlewitch

13 years 11 months ago

Hello Anna,

Yes I meant exhalation travel. I like your idea. thanks!

always, Cat

weirdelf

13 years 11 months ago

I realy like this

and my suggestions are best shown by example. All I have done is remove some line breaks and add some punctutation. See what you think.

secrets

I am foreign among your petals,
breathing deeply.
Softly sighing brain eruptions,
tiny tingling deaths
intubate me with kisses slow.
Being is believing.
sniffling surreptitiously
dandelion fuzz
on fluttering fingers.