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S
ShePra
Jul 06, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Existence a curse

I was born
as an angel
as a free soul
then who cuffed my wings
and raped my soul?

Every relation betrayed
every relation sold
a part of me
a part of my soul
was I so difficult to hold?

Soul of mine
tries its best
to ease my pain
but silly forgets
the blazing heart

I ask me
I ask myself
is existence such a curse
or being such a pain
poor! With What words could it define?

A murmur said
fly to heavens
you don’t belong here
smiled I & said
do I belong there?.....

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: IND

More from this author

Comments

R

raj

13 years 11 months ago

ShePra

I feel touched reading this very emotive write..very expressive and effective...well done....

much love..

weirdelf

weirdelf

13 years 11 months ago

In such a personal, emotional write

I would like to suggest that "&" instead of "and" detracts, as does "thee", especially grammatically incorrectly used, as you have. The capital letters on words doesn't quite work as a device.

Also
& raped my soul [?]

If I seem to be nit picking it is because all these things detract from the integral honesty of what could be a good write.

S

ShePra

13 years 11 months ago

hey Jess

hey Jess

i am glad that I could write something that u could comment on.. well all the suggestions accepted .. will keep the things in mind..

“Raping soul” is such a betrayal that only beloved can do...

With the suggestion from neopoets any piece can be a master piece.. thx for your comments..

regards

Shepra

weirdelf

weirdelf

13 years 11 months ago

glad you could hear me.

glad you could hear me.

On the line
and raped my soul
[?] wasn't questioning the line, I was suggesting a question mark at the end of the question-

then who cuffed my wings
and raped my soul?

Otherwise it is ambiguous, did the soul rape itself?

S

ShePra

13 years 11 months ago

ooops u mean that...

well i am not sure about the question mark... but as u have suggested i have done the changes..

thanks...

regards

shepra