Geezer

Apr 04, 2017 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Explosion...

Shadows crawling down the street
Merging, twisted shapes
Turn on the lights to see by
Hide behind the drapes

Secrets of the neighborhood
Behind the closing doors
Evil lurks in the minds of men
The Devil's looking for the bored

The blue and flickering images
Giving way to a cast of hues
It's true-life's big parody
Just watch the evening news

Trapped in a world not my own
I'm planning my escape
Stocking up on video-games
I've got a costume with a cape

The Internet is a secret door
I go out late at night
Weapons fully loaded
I'm preparing for a fight

I'll wear a mask of timidity
Outside the compound walls
I will be so meek and mild
I'll hide my brassy balls

My secret life, my hero's guise
In my off-limits room
Killing men and monsters
Playing havoc, dealing doom

Shadow dark and dangerous
Don't go messing with my head
I'll fill you full of bullet holes
Leave you bleeding, dead

Today I'll take the fight outside
I'll show them all who's boss
Those bullies will get bullets
I'll be fighting for the cause

Let them come, I'll face them down
I'm not scared to death today
I've got a pistol in my locker
Now... I'm going to make them pay

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Lately, my poems seem to start taking off on tangents of their own. Does this happen to other people? ~ Gee

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe, Emily Dickenson, Robert Frost, Shakespeare, and many of the poets here at Neopoet.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Keith Logan

8 years 3 months ago

This starts powerfully

and carries on well throughout. My only suggestion is a comma after its true in the third verse. That last couple of verses are well written but disturbing, which I suspect is quite intentional.

Geezer

8 years 3 months ago

put a comma after the word true, because I intended it to mean true-life, not it's true. I guess I should have put a hyphen in there? Yes, I did want this to be a powerful poem and make a statement. I've seen the impact that bullying makes on young people who have had their minds shaped by video-games and what I might call the "Hero-Complex". I know that it doesn't affect just youngsters, but they are the most at risk. I tried to show, that school isn't the only place that is affected and that bullying can and does make life miserable in all aspects of the bullied lives. Notice, that there are no adult figures in evidence? The strong presence of adults and no off-limits places in their children's lives can make a world of difference. Thank you for your critique and comments. ~ Gee.
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Geezer

8 years 2 months ago

Thank you...

I'm glad that you see what I am trying to achieve here. I am still considering a change of title and may use some variant of your suggestion. ~ Geezer.
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Esker

8 years 2 months ago

Anti-hero theme

willard of coppolas work
and travis of scorcese's
others...
will come back to this..

but I like it!

Geezer

8 years 2 months ago

i am glad...

that you like what I have done and look forward to hearing your opinion. ~ Gee.
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Jokerface82

3 years 6 months ago

Yeah

I like it I have read it a few times to understand it more hmm explosion for this title me personally I wouldn't call it that but its not mine . I like the flow and realism too and descriptions

Geezer

3 years 6 months ago

The title...

is meant to show the explosion that is about happen from anotherwise usually taciturn, no trouble kid. I will think on it though. ~ Geezer.
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scribbler

3 years 6 months ago

S2, L4 try something like "

S2, L4 try something like " satan seeks both Johns and whores" to maintain perfect rhyme. A good one of the real and public persona.

scribbler

3 years 6 months ago

S2, L4 try something like "

S2, L4 try something like " satan seeks both Johns and whores" to maintain perfect rhyme. A good one of the real and public persona.

Geezer

3 years 6 months ago

I wanted to express...

that line as though by a schoolboy. He is middle schooler that is being bullied. I think that the near rhyme is pretty good and doesn't detract from the story. Thanks for the critique and stopping by. ~ Geez.
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Candlewitch

3 years 4 months ago

dear geez,

I really liked these lines:

I'll wear a mask of timidity
Outside the compound walls
I will be so meek and mild
I'll hide my brassy balls

My secret life, my hero's guise
In my off-limits room
Killing men and monsters
Playing havoc, dealing doom

the whole poem is phenomenal

p.s.
I despise bullies and cheer for their victims!

everyone, even mild-mannered can be pushed too far!

ever, eddy

Geezer

3 years 4 months ago

I wrote this...

after I read about yet another shooting at a school. While I don't condone shooting your bullies, I can easily see how it happens. A child who feels totally alone, sitting in his room night after night, left to his own devices and ignored or told that he should just ignore his sadistic tormentors when he complains to parents and teachers; a child that is left to his own devices, as long as he doesn't cause problems or get in trouble, finally snaps! Thanks for reading and commenting. ~ Geez.
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Candlewitch

3 years 4 months ago

yes,

I really do understand this. eddy styx came from such a place, only the bullies were family.mother and sisters. I put my "rage on the page" through eddy. Dad gave me his philosophies. like when in a fight with more than one bullies, take the biggest one out first. and identify your target. and keep your thumb outside of your fist. and don't get angry, keep a cool head. and keep your feet moving. and duck when a fist comes at you, LOL! I employed his advice at school and on the street. boys aren't the only ones who can be bullies. thank you for steering me to this poem.

ever, eddy
*hugs, Cat

p.s.

I never hit my mother because Dad forbade it

Geezer

3 years 4 months ago

Sounds as though...

your father lived almost as much of a terrorized life as you did. Hugs back, Geez.
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Candlewitch

3 years 4 months ago

hey ya Geez,

in his younger days he was in "Golden Gloves" an after that he rode the Rodeo Circuit. after that he owned his own sodding and landscaping co. occasionally he would get mugged on the way to the bank. he carried the money in a brown lunch bag with grease stains on it. he would drop the bag when attacked. he was a real character and I loved him to pieces.

*hugs, Cat

Geezer

3 years 4 months ago

I meant...

living with your mother and sisters; but nice to know that he was that kind of a guy and that he cared deeply about his daughter who loved him so much. Hugs...
P.S. Listening to classical heavy metal rock, done by a Symphony] Deep Purple now!