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Apr 04, 2016
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Expressions
How do I feel today?
Do I feel at all?
What's the point off feeling anything,
anyway?
So I can be sad like you?
Be mad like you?
So I can be fed-up like you?
So I can be everything you are?
So I can be you?
A rock came through my window today.
It was painted with the word hope,
shattering like the window it christened,
leaving me in the corner, a shivering toddler,
leaving me with an empty hand and a
broken mirror. My window piecing
below my feet, piercing each step
with the vision of broken eyes
a bloody path to my front door
which is locked from the outside.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Rula
9 years 2 months ago
dearest Scott
If this is fiction or real I do sympathize.
This is well written indeed.
No suggestions. The last stanza could stand by itself.
eightmenout
9 years 2 months ago
Dearest Rula
Thank you for the kind words
Rula
9 years 2 months ago
I especially
Like the metaphor throughout, if I understand the rock's thing right. Otherwise I think i misread it.
eightmenout
9 years 2 months ago
How did you read it?
How did you read it?
Rula
9 years 2 months ago
it could be
a representative of a heavy burden or so that caused you such a pain. Otherwis, it must have be used literary, as a rock.
eightmenout
9 years 2 months ago
Dearest Rula
It's figurative, how supposedly indestructible, yet shattering like glass
weirdelf
9 years 2 months ago
oh wow, Scott, this is something else!
I do not understand why that last line is so powerful. It lifts the whole poem to the sublime. Nothing so mundane as a "locked room" murder mystery, although that can't be ignored, especially with the hopeful rock threat.
This is a poem that defies my analysis but I love it.
eightmenout
9 years 2 months ago
Jess
Mighty fine compliment, sir. Thank you