Into the Eyes I Love

Welcome to the site. Allow me to offer some light critique only if you want. My suggestions are format and punctuation related and don’t effect the content except to make where the tests go a bit less ambiguous.

When I look into the eyes I love,
I see hopes and dreams fulfilled
I see majesty and grace
with flickers of sunshine that brighten my day.

When I look into the eyes I love,
I see perfection in their flaws,
beauty in their light and strength in their wisdom.

When I look into the eyes I love,
I see patience and fight
a will stronger than the literal force of light
for in those eyes are sometimes
pain, anguish and disappointment
but yet they shine bright.

Around their edges are lines
from happiness and joy
For in those eyes, you can actually read a story.
For the depth of the soul they are connected to
is pure and bright.
It shines like an eternal light.

So when I look into the eyes I love I smile.
For the person they are connected to is me
and that’s no lie.
For the eyes that I love,
God gave them to no other but me!

Or something like that. Try to make the reader read it the way you read it to yourself that’s just how it sounded when I read it. Please take my criticism lightly and keep up the great work.

Tim

What Rosewood just did was what I intended to do before I scrolled down to see that she had placed the lines where necessary.

The structure of a poem can provide a layer of a meaning to the piece. Line breaks and repetition creates a nice rhythm to a poem.

Nice work!