eyes of lost love

Where lotus blossoms sleep
by marshes dank and deep.
My love went down to weep
so long ago.

She’d had to let me leave,
grow old and grey and grieve.
Go mad with make believe,
not let me know.

That she still cared for me,
though we could never be.
She needed to be free
so she could grow.

But wistful waves still rise,
‘spite savage sapphire skies,
And love, lost in her eyes,
is still aglow.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: reworking of an old poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Buxton, Derbyshire., GBR

Comments

neopoet

10 months 1 week ago

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively conveys a sense of longing and lost love through vivid imagery and emotional language. The repetition of the theme of separation and unrequited love is poignant and adds to the overall melancholic tone of the piece. The use of nature imagery, such as lotus blossoms and wistful waves, enhances the emotional depth of the poem. However, consider exploring more unique and unexpected metaphors to further engage the reader and add layers of complexity to the poem. Additionally, pay attention to the rhythm and flow of the lines to ensure a consistent pace throughout the piece. Overall, this poem shows promise in its exploration of love and loss, but further refinement could elevate its impact.

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