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Oct 12, 2023
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This poem is part of the challenge:
October 2023 Challenge Date night with Freddy Krueger Winner
Fabulous Freddy
Intrusive, invading, impulsive
Through my dreams he crept
Tainted, taunted, tortured
By the secrets that he kept
Ripping, raiding, ravaged
Subconscious fantasies played
Motionless, mimicking, mindless
Through his claws, the scars he laid
Blood lust, bedfellows, begone
His stench lingered on my breast
Perverse, primal, pathetic
A tortured soul not laid to rest
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
1 year 8 months ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Fabulous Freddy" demonstrates a strong command of alliteration, which adds a rhythmic quality to the piece. This technique is consistently applied in the first two lines of each stanza, creating a pattern that the reader can anticipate.
The poem also effectively uses vivid and emotive language to convey a sense of intrusion and torment. Words such as "ravaged", "scars", "claws", and "tortured" paint a clear picture of violence and distress.
However, the poem could benefit from more clarity in its narrative or theme. While the language is evocative, it's somewhat difficult to discern the exact situation or relationship being described. Is the poem about a nightmare, a toxic relationship, or something else entirely? Providing more context or specificity could help the reader connect more deeply with the poem's content.
Additionally, the poem's title, "Fabulous Freddy", seems somewhat at odds with the poem's dark and distressing content. If this contrast is intentional, it might be helpful to provide some indication of this within the poem itself to avoid potential confusion for the reader.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structure. Most lines are composed of three words, which can become monotonous. Experimenting with different line lengths and structures could add more dynamism to the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Ruby Lord
1 year 8 months ago
Fabulous poem. I love your
Fabulous poem. I love your alliteration. It reads like a dream/nightmare and your choice of word shows the perfection in your craft. Ruby :)
RoseBlack
1 year 8 months ago
Thank you Ruby!
I am not a Freddy fan but decided to give this challenge a try. It wound up being fun! Glad you enjoyed.
Lavender
1 year 8 months ago
Fabulous Freddy
Hi, Carrie,
This has the eerie rhythm and flow much like an incantation. Very fitting for the subject matter!
L
RoseBlack
1 year 8 months ago
Thanks L
Fit the season and the theme!! Like I said I am not a big Freddy fan but this seemed to flow :) thank you for your comment and read as always.
M4GG0TM3NT4L
1 year 8 months ago
Cool!!
very well worded, short but sweet! i really like this poem, perfect mix of spooky and fun!!
RoseBlack
1 year 8 months ago
Hello M4
Thank you for the read and comment...glad you enjoyed! Tis the season!
Geezer
1 year 8 months ago
I love the tone...
of this one.
It sounds like something a baaaaddd girl would say.
How about using "Through his claws, the scars he laid."
and " a tortured soul not laid to rest."
Just suggestions, I think it just makes the idea a bit clearer. ~ Geez.
.
RoseBlack
1 year 8 months ago
Hi Gee
Glad you liked it! Changes made. I like the suggestions