scribbler

Feb 27, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

FACETS

That guy who just flipped you the bird
showing his road rage, the turd
Sundays he's on the deacon's bench
a good man to know when in a pinch

The gray haired man in suit and tie
a banker, hard glint in his eye
each evening hits a different bar
and picks up hookers in his car

See the laborer with crooked teeth
scratch his surface and look beneath
in evenings he carves wood by hand
his figures in museums stand

And that old white haired Wal-Mart greeter
with lively eyes and legs that teeter
saves every penny that she makes
donates to the arts for goodness sakes

Nobody is a single thing
that drifter may know how to sing
a builder old and fat just might
even think that he can write

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

scribbler

14 years 4 months ago

shirl the pearl

We are all more than just a single thing, including being "just" a poet. This was just a quickie I jotted down to remind myself that all here are other things besides poets...........................stan

weirdelf

14 years 4 months ago

You nailed me, you bastard

but did you have to use a nail gun?
Hint- I've never been a deacon, a banker or a walmart greeter.

I love that this doesn't (here comes the word) sentimentally just look for the good in people, it has a good scratch around like a cat in a litter box.

a couple of niggles
See the laborer with crooked teeth
scratch the surface and look beneath [we don't really get a sense of him as we do in the other couplets, perhaps the whole line "scratch the surface and look beneath " could be re-written to give us a better clue.

and
saves every penny she there makes
is the only place to me the rhyme doesn't run contentedly, because of the awkward word inversion she there makes

Dig it.

scribbler

14 years 4 months ago

hi Jess

The type bird you refer to is spelled "bustard"...........lol. I intentionally left the laborer undescribed to emphasize the way most would view him as "just another laborer". I agree the greeter line needs work and will try to figure out a better way to say what I mean. Hope all is well with you....................scribbler

weirdelf

14 years 4 months ago

simple fix

big improvement

scribbler

14 years 4 months ago

thanks

too much writing late at night lol..................scribbler

scribbler

14 years 4 months ago

Rosi

I guess a lot can be said for some quickies.............hmmmm............that could well be taken 2 ways lol. Thanks for the visit and kind comment............stan

KINGZOMBIE

14 years 4 months ago

Lmao !!!!!

Sorry but that comment above just cracked me up, lol.What a great write, I like how simple and witty this was.It has great humor and a timeless moral. Excellent post, thanks for sharing.

scribbler

14 years 4 months ago

king

no need apologize for having fun. Glad you stopped by and liked this...............scribbler