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arsinBW
arsinBW
May 15, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Fading Mask

My only escape is inside.
Nothing is left, not even pride.
A sad clown, sulking in despair.
Lost in a thought, a dead man's stare.
No more joy in an act played out,
Drowning sorrow with bitter stout.
Lost it all, there is no healing.
Gun in hand, I paint the ceiling.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This is just a poem. My writes are usually dark but not always. I understand this could be taken the wrong way to some people.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: USA - Virginia

Favorite Poets: Keats, Poe, Martin, Herbert

More from this author

Comments

B

BelindaR

12 years 5 months ago

Nice to see you Arsin!

I thought the flow had a nice clip - clip to it. The poem definitely made sense throughout. I can see the clown acting out without any emotion - dead man's stare. Dark - but good.

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 5 months ago

Arsin

Have long asked for a bit where you can say fact or fiction,
but to me in this case, I shall wash the ceiling with your next piece.
A good write and a good imagination,
Yours Ian.T
PS:- Let us have a bit more profile when you have the time, but welcome to Neopoet and I hope you are going to enjoy being here with us all..

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 5 months ago

Arsin

The quotes at the bottom of some of us here is the signature bit you can fill in on your profile,
The profile is where I start on comments of new poets just to see where they are from and some idea of the short description of yourself.
You will need to join the odd workshop they are fun and you learn so much,
Yours ian.T

L

loveslave

12 years 5 months ago

A Suicide poem, correct?

A Suicide poem, correct? That's how I interpreted it anyway. I think it's good when poets tackle difficult, uncomfortable issues in their poems. Poetry should reflect reality, both the good aspects of it and the really difficult stuff too. I like the shortness of it, the tightness of the rhythm. I really like the last line, it packs a real punch and it's beautifully, horribly disturbing in the images that it conjures in the minds eye.

arsinBW

arsinBW

12 years 5 months ago

You are correct on what this

You are correct on what this is about and I definitely agree that poetry should be about a wide variety of subjects.

arsinBW

arsinBW

12 years 5 months ago

Thanks so much Indie! I

Thanks so much Indie! I actually like the format on this site better. It's funny cause I always think my stuff sucks and then I get good reviews. Hopefully I'll keep getting better and maybe one day I'll be satisfied. Who knows...

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 4 months ago

Arsin

If this is fact, and is carried through.
Always remember one thing that you
Will become a spirit poet for all time
As a spiritualist I shall correct your rhyme.
Yet reason must always prevail
As there are a lot that believe in hell.
To kill is a mortal sin (Not my Words agin)
So please be care of how much gin you sip
Or before the night is nigh you'll do a trip
Then as a vision you'll catch my eye.
If you should die...
Have a great time with us as you are, as this is better by far,
Yours Ian.T