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Geremia

Mar 22, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

FADING INTO OPAQUE--updated

FADING INTO OPAQE rewritten]
It was yesterday
I thought
I felt your breath
touch my hair
your heart beat inside
mine
and your eyes speak
of love’s fire …but
for another
I spend my nights
alone
and lonely are my dreams.
But as time rushes by
you begin to fade
into opaque
and I break
to lose you again

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

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Comments

13 years 3 months ago

hi joe

so sad, star-crossed love....
this is a very captivating write

one tiny thing - i'd suggest you lose the 'of' at the beginning of line 6

i'm very taken with the last lines
'you begin to fade
into opaque
and I break
to lose you again'
- beautifully said - so sad

love judy

13 years 3 months ago

Thanks, Judy. Will make

Thanks, Judy. Will make suggested change.

Joe