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Oct 05, 2021
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falling stars
Another shooting star
I refrained from wishing,
having watched it
disappear
About This Poem
Last Few Words: An older piece, distilled into just these four lines. Still struggling to write these days.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
Geezer
3 years 8 months ago
I like...
your distillation, but am not sure that you didn't carry it too far. The gap between the the last word and the previous three, I think is too great. It makes it seem disconnected. Maybe a simple thing as lessening that white space will fix it? ~ Geez.
.
Breakinglogic
3 years 8 months ago
Hey geez,
Hey geez,
I think you may be right.
And I also felt awkward about that space (now removed).
Thanks for stopping by:)
Geezer
3 years 8 months ago
You're welcome...
It looks and reads much better. ~ Geez.
.
Catherine DeGear
3 years 7 months ago
I like this
It's simple and to the point. Short poems are not easy (at least not for me) so I admire anyone who can do with seeming ease.
Catherine
Entend2u
3 years 4 months ago
All things must pass
This poem gives me a funny feeling because it is at once descriptive of a split second but then again the description of eternity - history is a pattern of timeless moments (Eliot) - All things must pass (Harrison).
Will