scribbler

Jun 01, 2014 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

FALLOWED FIELDS

There are too many stoney fields
which plows will never again touch.
They bear those stones like ancient shields,
these glades which aren't frequented much.

Perhaps the last crop planted there
was planted far too deep.
Though each was spaded with great care,
above the surface sprouts don't peep.

The soil here is deep and dark
made fertile by too many souls
spaced neatly as if in some park
in ordered rows across the knolls.

All the stones are purest white
neatly etched with names and dates
of those proud men who fought the fight
and in war found their final fates.

There are too many stoney fields...........

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Tam the Chanter

11 years 1 month ago

thoughtful

Maybe the rhythm would be improved by changing, in verse 2, "although" to "though" and so losing a syllable. Apart from that it is a powerful, honest, thought-provoking anti-war poem. Well done.

Ian

scribbler

11 years 1 month ago

Hi Ian

Thank you. I'm always reviewing and editing stuff so I'll keep that idea of changing although to though in mind. I know that I tend to use a "poetic" voice when writing and it sometimes leads me astray. I appreciate you thought and time............stan

scribbler

11 years 1 month ago

Heck

No need to think about it , you're right lol. So off to the edit.......stan

Ian.T

11 years 1 month ago

Stan

This is good even if there is anything wrong, I will not reside in those fields of stone, as I am only here because of their harvest, I feel the tears of the greener fields they let us sow, and the many harvests since,
Yours Ian.T

scribbler

11 years 1 month ago

hi

We all owe a great deal to those who rest in those stone adorned fields............stan

alidzain

11 years 1 month ago

Hi Stan

I agree with our friends, this is a good write with an anti-war theme. You have described it in a beautiful manner. Well done.

Alid

scribbler

11 years 1 month ago

Hi Alid

Thank you. I keep trying off and on to write "the" poem about the resting places of heroes.....I'll keep trying. Appreciate your kind comment...........stan

emeka ozurumba

11 years 1 month ago

you touch all denomination of

you touch all denomination of land-mark but i would have loved to see a brutal war from this fight explained maybe in metaphors how brutal to human existence is, yours truly stan

scribbler

11 years 1 month ago

Hi

I seldom write actual war poems because I like to write from personal experience and have been fortunate in never having gone to war. But I have tried a few war poems based on how I imagine it must be like. "Those Men","The Spoils", "Inheritors and Benefactors"(and experimental form dealing with aftermath of nuclear war) And "Homecoming". I appreciate your taking time to drop by..........stan

Lonnie

11 years 1 month ago

Just me, Stan

Commented on this one over on the other site and so I will say no more here than I did there. There are indeed too many fallow fields, and too many more to come I would suspect!