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May 10, 2025
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By the Farm
By the Farm (Reimagined at the Frost Farm)
If I were forged of granite, stark and gray,
A fieldstone wall where sunbeams softly lie,
Could your hand, tracing lichen's ancient way,
Discover echoes of a spirit nigh?
And if, one day, a stone should slip and sigh,
Lost to the rustling leaves of Derry's fall,
Would you perceive the weight of earth drawing nigh,
This slow surrender, answering nature's call?
If I stood lonely as a steadfast pine,
Its needles whispering tales the breezes know,
Could your heart sense this silent thought of mine,
A melody within the woodland's flow?
And could your gaze, beyond what eyes can show,
Unveil the truth that restless surfaces hide,
To truly see the soul that dwells below?
If I were weathered clapboard, worn and deep,
The barn's old skin, where seasons leave their trace,
Could your kind voice, like stories whispered in sleep,
Find words to bridge the silence of this place?
Would your true friendship, born of gentle grace,
Become a constant in this shifting sphere?
Will you embrace this moment, time and space,
To mend the cracks, to banish every fear,
And stand beside me, when the day finds peace,
My steadfast neighbor, through the calm and fierce?
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
1 month 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem demonstrates thoughtful imagery and careful attention to metaphor, effectively evoking the rural landscape and contemplative tone reminiscent of Robert Frost. To enhance the poem's overall impact, consider the following areas for revision:
1. **Consistency of Imagery and Metaphor:**
The poem moves through several metaphors—granite wall, solitary pine, weathered clapboard barn—each rich and evocative. However, the transitions between these metaphors could be more deliberate and cohesive. Clarifying the connection or progression between these images might strengthen the poem's thematic unity.
2. **Meter and Rhythm:**
While the poem generally maintains a structured rhythm, there are moments where the meter feels slightly uneven or forced. For example, the line "Into the rustling leaves of a Derry day, I wonder," feels somewhat crowded. Revisiting line breaks or word choice might improve rhythmic flow and readability.
3. **Rhetorical Questions:**
The poem relies heavily on rhetorical questions, which can be effective but may also diminish impact if overused. Consider whether some of these questions could be reframed as statements or descriptions to offer more direct emotional resonance and reduce repetition.
4. **Clarity of Emotional Intent:**
The poem hints at deeper emotional or philosophical questions about connection, friendship, and understanding. However, the emotional stakes remain somewhat abstract. Clarifying or grounding these emotional intentions with more concrete imagery or narrative detail could enhance reader engagement.
5. **Language and Word Choice:**
The diction is generally strong and appropriate to the poem's tone, but occasionally phrases such as "long, slow plunder" or "low, familiar yarn" might benefit from reconsideration. Ensuring each phrase precisely aligns with the intended emotional or thematic effect can sharpen the poem's overall precision.
By addressing these points, the poem could achieve greater clarity, cohesion, and emotional resonance.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
1 month 1 week ago
By the Farm
Hello, Mark,
So gentle and soul-searching. The rhythm and rhyme are soothing, friendly.
Have you been to the Frost Farm in Derry? How magical...
Thank you!
L
mark
1 month 1 week ago
Hi Lav
Yes I have been there several times. I drafted this poem while sitting on the stone driveway in my car. Years later some gang of kids ransacked the place. There's assholes everywhere. Thanks for your kind words.
Mark