A Fart For All Mankind

I heard the world's loudest fart today
It echoed round the town enough to say
"I am a fart of great renown and fame,
I am a fart who's worthy of the name
Of KING of FARTS!" Unthinkingly I sniffed
And, let me tell you, I have never whiffed
Aught so potent, dank and dread and foul
Blasted out from heaving human bowel
As that king of farts I smelled today
And which took my fucking breath away.

Who was the pumper of that putrid beauty?
How many curries in the line of duty
Had he consumed? It must have been a man -
No pong so strong ere blew from female can.
Can no one answer yet my urgent question:
And say who suffereth such dire indigestion?
O heavens! his torment must be something chronic.
Can no one subsidise a high colonic
Irrigation to prevent another
Noisier and more noisome than its younger brother?

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This has a slightly Shakespearian or even Chaucerian ring to it I feel. Or maybe even Marlovian, bearing in mind some of Christopher's well-documented sodomitic frolics. Yes I know it's a teeny bit vulgar, but then so were Shakespeare, Chaucer, and Marlowe. Nice rhymes. .

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Region, Country: London, Culture Capital of the World

Favorite Poets: Siegfried Sassoon, Wilfred Owen, Rupert Brooke, Chaucer, Shakespeare to name but a few. And VERY IMPORTANTLY: Erich Fried, a leftwing Austrian of Jewish ancestry who fled the Nazis and became a British citizen in 1949., And, other writers (non-poets mainly): Raymond Chandler, Irvine Welsh, Anthony Burgess, Graham Greene, Charles Bukowski, John le Carré, Anthony Horowitz, Mick Herron, Margaret Attwood, Edna O'Brian, Maeve Binchy., Writers who I find vastly over-rated: TS Eliot, Virgina Woolf, Sylvia Plath, Phil Larkin, E.A. Poe, A. Ginsburg, Longfellow, Gerald Manley Hopkins (actually I LOATHE Hopkins more than damson-dappled words can say).

Comments

Geezer

5 years 10 months ago

Now, that is funny...

Starting with the last request of critique first; the theme, while not something for the average dinner table or palette, is a subject that occurs frequently in some circles. So, a thumbs up there.
The language lends itself to the style and fits. The RPOPing went well. The title lets one know what they are in for from the get-go. ~ Geezer.
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Edna Sweetlove

5 years 10 months ago

RPOP

I looked up RPOP and got.... Radiation Protection of Patients (RPOP) – the leading resource for health professionals, patients and public on the safe and effective use of radiation in medicine

So I am puzzled.

PS People often fart at the dinner table, especially after sprouts and cabbage. Although I never eat either of these disgusting vegetables, I find that rare lamb can also cause spectacular anal atmospheric emissions.
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Geezer

5 years 10 months ago

The RPOP...

was in regards to rhythm, pattern or pacing, lol.
Sorry to have you searching for it. As for farting at the table, it's not a common occurrence in my house even if we do eat cabbage and brussels, if I had indulged in it while growing up, my mother would have sent me from the table and I would have finished later, by myself. ~Geezer.
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Edna Sweetlove

5 years 10 months ago

Sometimes...

...a fart can be silent, like the 'p' in pneumonia as well as a pee in the snow.

Geezer

5 years 10 months ago

I would have...

had to own up to it and if I had blamed it on my sisters, I would have suffered doubly after being found out.
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Edna Sweetlove

5 years 10 months ago

Own up?

Nay! Claim it proudly!