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Clobro
Clobro
Dec 05, 2021 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Faults

Today, I wondered
Where is the light?
Here, I had suffered
Nothing feels right

With nowhere to go,
Nowhere to be,
Why do I not see
A fault in me?

Oh please, oh please tell
What can I be
When I live on Earth,
So painfully?

Nothing replies, but
Just out of sight
The wind whispers
One word of light.

"Remember." The pain,
Had hid inside
This small heart of mine.
I let it run.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Region, Country: Canada, BC, CAN

Favorite Poets: E. E. Cummings

More from this author

Comments

Michael Anthony

Michael Anthony

3 years 7 months ago

Really enjoyed this piece,

Really enjoyed this piece, and the imagery is wonderful. Just my opinion, but as I read this back and skipped the third stanza, it had a much better flow, and a more powerful message. Thank you for sharing!

Best

Seren

Seren

2 years 4 months ago

Dear Clobro

I think this is an relevant poem in todays world so many people are struggling to be what ever youre meant to be,

Now I agree with Michael on that third stanza but I think the hitch could be smoothed out thus.

*Oh please tell me*
What can I be
When I live on Earth,
So painfully?

Changing that one line makes all the difference, as always, my suggestions are just that.

Kind Regards Seren