Fibro me

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem effectively conveys the complex and often contradictory experience of living with fibromyalgia, blending vivid imagery with emotional depth. The use of similes, such as "Like unshattered glass" and "headphones that are, Untangled at last," creates relatable metaphors that ground the abstract feelings in everyday objects, enhancing accessibility.

The poem’s structure, with its short stanzas and varied line lengths, mirrors the fluctuating nature of chronic illness—moments of clarity interspersed with confusion and pain. The progression from struggle ("Foggy brain, seeks to consume") to resilience ("Yet I will not give in to fear") is clear and compelling, giving the poem a narrative arc that invites empathy.

Some areas for refinement include:

1. **Consistency in Imagery and Tone:** While the poem uses strong metaphors, certain images like "a ball of yarn that's saved, Finds itself rewound" could be expanded or clarified to deepen their symbolic resonance. The phrase "chaotic stew" is vivid but somewhat colloquial compared to the more poetic language elsewhere; consider a metaphor that maintains the poem’s tone.

2. **Rhythm and Flow:** The poem’s rhythm varies, which can be effective, but some lines feel slightly uneven or abrupt. For example, "As groans cease, And flee again" might benefit from rephrasing to smooth the cadence or to clarify the action—does the groaning stop and then return, or is it intermittent?

3. **Punctuation and Line Breaks:** Strategic use of punctuation could enhance readability and emotional impact. For instance, the line "Though there's no / Wishing fibro me away" might be more powerful as a single line or with a stronger pause to emphasize resignation.

4. **Title and Closing Connection:** The title "Fibro me" sets the expectation of a personal exploration of fibromyalgia’s impact. The closing lines hint at acceptance and ongoing struggle, which is effective. Strengthening this connection by revisiting the initial metaphors or images in the conclusion could provide a satisfying thematic closure.

Overall, the poem captures the tension between vulnerability and strength inherent in chronic illness. With some attention to metaphor development and rhythmic consistency, it could achieve even greater emotional resonance and poetic cohesion.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

The A.I. has it mostly right, but I would point out that as the A.I. has no physical body, it cannot possibly understand or comment on the actuality of pain and state of mind. I can only imagine the agony of Fibromyalgia, and the constant pain for years, while my bout with Shingles was the temporary pain of a couple of weeks. ~ Geez.

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from experience what you go through each day and night... I have it too and it is one of those things that I have not found a treatment for and there is no cure. I also have psoriatic arthritis. Of the two of them, the fibro Myalgia is the worst. It has brought me to tears, and I Hate to cry! The burning of my hands... when they start burning, it is hard to think straight, let alone meditate! I really admire your poem on this dastardly debilitation.

respectfully, Cat

Hello, Tigger,

Well done. I truly wish you well!

L