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Fields of bright poppies!
Fields of bright poppies
surround the whole basin.
Young Brits in opium shacks
lie in dismay.
Victims of man kinds
own annihilation.
Dreaming with visions that
dance through their heads.
Can we not see this
waste of the human mind.
Encounters with euphoria,
which suppress the brain.
All in the name of
expanding our consciousness.
A worthless endeavor
suppressing the soul!
Then in the end will we dance
through an open flame
Boldly denying the
game that we play!
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Something to describe our own self defeatism. Making decisions without contemplating the consequences. We all have addictions that compensate for the pain in our lives!
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem presents a somber meditation on the consequences of drug use, specifically referencing the historical and symbolic associations of poppies with opium and loss. The imagery of "fields of bright poppies" effectively sets a visual and thematic stage, invoking both natural beauty and its darker connotations. The juxtaposition of "Young Brits in opium shacks" with the idyllic landscape introduces a tension that runs throughout the poem.
There are moments where the poem’s language is direct, even didactic, such as "Victims of man kinds / own annihilation," and "A worthless endeavor / suppressing the soul!" This approach communicates the poem’s moral stance clearly, though it may risk reducing the complexity of the subject by telling rather than showing. The rhetorical questions ("Can we not see this / waste of the human mind") invite reader engagement but could be strengthened by more specific imagery or narrative detail.
The poem’s structure is consistent, with short stanzas and lines that create a sense of fragmentation, perhaps mirroring the fractured experiences of those it describes. However, some lines could benefit from revision for clarity and conciseness. For example, "Dreaming with visions that / that dance through their heads" contains a repetition ("that that") which disrupts the flow. Additionally, "man kinds" should be corrected to "mankind's" for grammatical accuracy.
The poem ends with a metaphor—"dance / through an open flame"—which is evocative but somewhat ambiguous. Expanding on this image or clarifying its connection to the poem’s themes could provide a stronger conclusion.
Overall, the poem raises important questions about consciousness, escapism, and self-destruction, but would benefit from more concrete imagery and attention to language precision to fully realize its emotional and philosophical impact.
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