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Final Roll Call

We stand in rows, all at attention
Our names called one by one
His name called, but no one answers,
They call twice more then none.

A crashing volley rends the air,
As the guns in sequence shoot
One final, thunderous roar,
This jolting last salute.

Gleaming rifles, polished brass
Dressed in their very best
With smart precision they pay their homage
As we mark this Soldier’s rest.

The rifles silent, two by two
We march to the tiny altar
Snap to attention, long salute
It’s then I start to falter.

The tears all flow, as I stare ahead
Before those sand-worn boots
The upturned rifle holding tall
Sharp blade for steely roots.

For but a second, I glance down
His tags so gently sway,
Catch the sun, and share the gleam
Then twist into pewter gray.

My tears play back his face,
As his voice rings in my head
In that moment, he seems alive
And I feel like I’m dead.

Just a minute, yet seems a lifetime
As the bugle softly plays
I step away, but leave my heart
My mind a forlorn haze.

Such ‘tis life, our hardest duty
To leave our brother there.
He was so young, with so much promise
But war is never fair.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: U.S.

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Comments

S

scribbler

13 years 4 months ago

Hello

The rhyme and rhythm falter here and there but the message comes through clearly. And the falters might actually add to the poem as the protagonist probably has falters in his/her own thoughts...........stan

judyanne

judyanne

13 years 2 months ago

hello soldierpoet

i really like this write
it so simply but powerfully describes its pain

i have just a couple of suggestions to assist with the flow, which I think on the whole is awesome – the meter mixed as you have it really depicts the surreal feeling of the world being in pieces that these events cause

‘His name (is) called, but no one answers,
They call twice more(,) then none.’
and
‘The tears all flow, as I stare ahead’– ‘all flow’ – awkward, not poetic
perhaps describe the tears instead
‘sombre tears flow…’

‘Catch the sun, and share the gleam’
Then twist into pewter gray.'
– i love the descriptive and the euphemism here, the twisting making me think of pain of mourning, and the pewter grey really conjuring to my mind a dead body

have you read Wilfred Owen?
nice to meet you
love judy
xxx