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gregwa8
gregwa8
May 29, 2019 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Finding the Faucet

My heart is a basin of hope

But I struggle
Like a frantic bird
To turn on
The faucet

I am a maple tree
Filled with syrup
That could delight the tongue
Of another

But I’m afraid to cut my skin
And insert the tap

So you can drink

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Maryland, USA

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Comments

Geezer

Geezer

6 years 1 month ago

I would have...

been happier, if you had stuck to one idea, either the struggling bird or the maple tree, unless you find a way to compare them better. Both of the ideas and similes have merit. ~ Geezer.
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