Fine Line (eddy styx)

Fine Line

lolling head
eyes glazing
droning chant
volume growing
unholy issuance
of sounds inhuman
crazy twisting
tortured tongue...
face contorting
body seizing
spasms rolling...
gibberish ranting
lost in moaning
trance inducing
spirit vision
mind inviting
channel seeking...
thrill of
spiritual possession
ritualistically obsessed...
gyrating
rhythmic writhing
erotically obscene...
fouled and felonious
practitioner
of Satan...
damned to Hell's eternal flame?
nay...
practitioner child
of Pentecost!

(the moral of this poem is: don't be so quick to judge, LOL!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This poem is for the "Book of Styx II"

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Geezer

14 years 3 months ago

I like...

the title, language use is great, and the rhythm, pacing is excellent!
The theme is good, and I think this will make a fine addition to the Book of Styx II.
Great stuff! As always, you held my attention to the last, and the only suggestions I have, are to;
delete the word [spiritual], and use [ritual obsession] instead of [ritualistically obsessed]. Always, ~ Gee

Candlewitch

14 years 3 months ago

Thanks, Sir Gee!

I'll keep that in mind. Glad you liked it!

always, eddy (and Cat)

Candlewitch

14 years 3 months ago

Dear Shirl,

I'm so glad you like this one and that you found the link! The second installment is waiting on my editor (Steve) to go through it when he has the time. I may ask for him to take a vacation day from work to work on the book.

love, Cat

lou

14 years 3 months ago

Cat

For my sake, make a few miatakes, give me something to help you improve LMAO !!

with great admiration Lou xx

Candlewitch

14 years 3 months ago

Dear Lou,

I make plenty of mistakes, it is just that I go through them quite a bit before I post them. You should see them before I work on them! Thanks for the thumbs up!

always, eddy (& Cat)