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Mar 18, 2025
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The Fire Is Lit
The wealth of so many belongs to the few
A cent or a penny, no difference to you
Don’t let it be said there is nowt we can do
Promises made, promises broken
It’s not what is said, is what is unspoken
Get out the stick because they need a pokin’
Playing with families, playing with lives
Fathers and husbands and mothers and wives
And what of the children, prey they can survive
The scoffers will always continue to scoff
The piggies will always be stuck in the trough
Made a quick buck take the afternoon off
Those folk that dig ditches and work on the roads
Who keep the lights burning, us fed and us clothed
They shoulder the burden and carry the load
For the lords and the masters, the emperors of wealth
Destroying our home through lies and through stealth
There’s nothing to lose stand on up for yourself
Because pigs in glass towers must no longer rule
The people at large are no longer fooled
The fire is lit let’s start pouring the fuel
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This is a social commentary inspired by a friend of mine who lost her job today due to cost savings….nah, more like profit increase. I am so angry at the way wealth and power is used like a stick to beat people down, that’s why this is written. I use the word ‘nowt’ in the first verse, it’s an old English phrase meaning nothing, so it’s not a typo! This will eventually become a song, hope you enjoy.
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem addresses social inequality and injustice with a clear, direct voice, employing rhyme and rhythm to emphasize its message. However, there are areas that could benefit from further refinement:
1. **Imagery and Metaphor**:
The poem relies heavily on familiar metaphors ("piggies," "glass towers," "fire is lit"). Consider developing more original or nuanced imagery to deepen the reader's engagement and avoid clichés.
2. **Consistency in Tone and Language**:
The colloquial language ("nowt," "pokin'") contrasts sharply with more formal or abstract phrases ("emperors of wealth," "destroying our home through lies and through stealth"). Clarifying or intentionally balancing this contrast may help the poem achieve greater coherence.
3. **Rhythm and Meter**:
The rhythm occasionally stumbles, particularly in lines such as "And what of the children, prey they can survive," where "prey" may be a typo for "pray." Attention to consistent meter and syllabic balance would strengthen the poem's musicality and readability.
4. **Specificity and Detail**:
The poem broadly references societal issues ("wealth," "promises," "families") without grounding them in specific examples or contexts. Providing concrete details or imagery could enhance emotional resonance and reader connection.
5. **Closing Lines**:
The final stanza's call to action ("The fire is lit let’s start pouring the fuel") is clear but somewhat predictable. Consider a more unexpected or thought-provoking conclusion to leave a stronger impression on the reader.
Overall, the poem's strength lies in its passion and directness. By refining imagery, ensuring consistency in tone, improving rhythm, and adding specificity, it can become more compelling and impactful.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
3 months 3 weeks ago
hello JB Slim,
I hear ya! Is it time for another revolution, this time to protest against the rich? I think that a time will come when the hungry will rise up and try to take back the power. Many will die in the uprising. I also think that greed is a very powerful deadly sin. I usually quote back my favorite lines of the poem to the poet. In this case, I cannot, because they are all memorable. Congratulations on creating a very fine poem of societies infection.
always, Cat
JB Slim
3 months 3 weeks ago
Many Thanks
Thanks Cat that is awesome feedback, really appreciated.
This will become a song I believe, I am working on a new album now so you never know!
Thanks again for your feedback
JBS