Firestorm!

Once, long ago
in fields of wild clover.
We wept side by side
lamenting the day.

In silence we stood
drenched in emotions.
Wanting to say things,
which we couldn't say!

There was no time left
to share on that day.
The firestorms had come
to sweep us away!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: We all have regrets and Know what is coming! Where will we stand on that iridescent day!

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Ogden, Utah, USA

Favorite Poets: Jon Anderson, Jon Ondrasik, Donald Fagen, Sting, Eric Bloom , and all of the poets at neo.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Candlewitch

7 months 3 weeks ago

Dear John,

Your thoughts have turned darkly serious and you express them very well. For many of us it is a long life and road...we all have both regrets and triumphs to remember. I hope your successes outnumber your regrets.

much love, Cat

Rula

7 months 3 weeks ago

Hello Leslie

This is exquisite!
It reflects how precious is each day. It's crisp and right to the point.
Just a suggestion, line 4 in s.2
If you change it to something like:
"which we couldn't say"
You'll then have some kind of rhyme in line 4 of the three stanzas.(day, say, away)
As I said, just a suggestion, take it or leave it
I've enjoyed it pretty much
Thank you for sharing.

Lavender

7 months 3 weeks ago

Firestorms!

Hello, John,
A lovely flowing short poem revealing deep thought. I agree with Rula's suggestion of the last line in the second stanza, using "say." Then you have a true rhyme instead of a near rhyme and the thought would remain the same.
Liked this very much!
L

Leslie

7 months 3 weeks ago

To all who have commented...

I appreciate your kind remarks and I have made some changes. Thank you all for reading this. I hope your day goes well!!!